Kellie’s Blog

No more cheap booze!

I’ll be honest. I drank too much last night. Three martinis and a glass of wine over the course of 4 hours? That sounds bad, doesn’t it…Maybe I shouldn’t admit that out loud…Anyway, I learned a very valuable lesson:  The more expensive the alcohol, the less severe the hangover!  Yes, I’m tired, but who wouldn’t be after only getting 4 hours of sleep? But I didn’t feel sick or hungover or any of that drama that goes with ordering “Whatever!” like I usually do.  So from now on, I will only drink expensive drinks.  And THAT means I have to line up more dates.

Yes, everybody has had the weirdest reaction to my going out with Redneck Steve, which isn’t what I call him unless I’m talking about him. Otherwise, he’s just Steve. It’s sort of like how people will say “that bitch Kellie” when they’re talking ABOUT me, but then just call me Kellie when they actually meet me. Same thing, right?

Anyway, I’ve known Redneck Steve for I don’t know how long. I THINK there was talk of us maybe going out way back when, but I don’t know…He was Big Al’s friend and it was just weird and now he’s my friend and now it’s all still sort of weird but it’s like, why don’t we just try it and see what happens? So I sort of let him know that it was okay to ask me out now because I — being from South Carolina and all — just wouldn’t be considered a proper lady if I was the one doing the asking. So he did the gentlemanly thing and obliged me with a dinner invitation.

I have never seen Big Al so giddy. He was like a freaking school girl!! He knew Steve was picking me up at 7, so he shows up at 7:05, bouncing up and down on my front door step and waving his hands in the air and practically bursting, he was so excited. Steve thinks it’s because Al’s secretly in love with  me, and I’m starting to think maybe he’s on to something…He even texted me during dinner to see how things were going. What is up with that?

I guess we’ll see how Al feels about date number two, should that ever occur. I think ol’ Steve’s got a few other dates to plow through before he circles back around to me, but we’ll see.  And it might be interesting to see how Big Al would react if I invite Steve to our office Christmas party.  Hmmmm…..

XO
Kellie

Okay.

Oh please….It’s not like I’m TELLING every guy that I’m daydreaming about our future together…Geesh. Give me SOME credit. Who doesn’t let themselves daydream, though? What’s wrong with letting yourself just GO there? It’s fun and it’s harmless. Until it starts feeling icky to me. It loses it’s magic after the icky. 

Besides, I am really, honestly and for true in the best place I’ve been in a long time.  I mean it when I say I don’t NEED a man, but having one isn’t so bad.  It’s nice to have someone to get dressed up for and it’s fun to be taken to dinner and it’s exhilarating to sit there the entire time and wonder if you’re going to be kissed good night…hard.

But the being married part? I’m not even seriously thinking about that — unless he comes with his own maid service.  Right now, I just don’t feel like picking up after anybody but me, Emma Kelly and George. I can handle the three of us just fine.  And if I REALLY need to kiss somebody, I can always turn to Emma Kelly and George for that, too.

And some people are asking me about the soup and fruit thing. Well…I stuck to that religiously for all of one day. Then I started adding in little things here and there.  And then Thanksgiving hit. Oh well. But it’s no big diet program. I just eat a whole can of broth-based soup as a meal and then I eat a little fruit here and there to keep it interesting. That’s it. Should I write that in a book and sell it? Am I sitting on a gold mine here and just giving this knowledge away for free?!?! Actually, a woman wrote me about a year ago and said she lost 70 pounds after I gave her the idea about eating cans of soup all day.  Right now, I’d really like to lose about 10 pounds. That’s it. I could do that in a couple of weeks if I REALLY stuck with it. But eh….it’s the holidays. And I’ve got two dates this week.  It’s not like I’m gonna sit there and order minestrone when I can have STEAK!!

Sigh. That desperation I’ve been reeking seems to really be working against me…

 XO
Kellie

People are mean…

People are mean, but I’m mean, too, so I guess I can’t complain about it.  But I don’t sit down and write people I don’t know and tell them how much they irritate me or criticize every word that comes out of their mouths…So I guess I’m not AS mean as some people.  I can live with that.  As long as I know I’m better! It’s sort of like why we sometimes tune in to Jerry Springer. Just reminds us that we’re better than SOMEBODY…

I got dumped by Mark Kevin.  Yeah, there was a Mark Kevin, although his name’s really Mark and I don’t know why I called him Kevin, so he became Mark Kevin.  When we were making up our reasons why we were leaving the show, I sort of combined a bunch of different guys I’ve dated and rolled them into one guy and I just named him Mark — then Mark Kevin — because I at least could picture a real guy and make it seem more real. Get it?  Anyway, Mark Kevin and I have been having this sort of email relationship since the summer.  He’s a listener who wrote me about something or other and it caught my eye and we started writing back and forth and then suddenly we’re talking on the phone and dreaming about our future life together. Well….I was dreaming about our future life together.  I get a little carried away like that sometimes.  The only problem with all this is, we have never even met!  That sort of started freaking me out a little and then I turned into a B and then I think he dumped me.  It’s for the best, really. He lives hundreds of miles away and neither one of us is thinking about moving.  So why continue, right?  I just feel kind of sick and weird over the whole thing now.  I imagine this is what it would feel like to pick up a guy in an internet chat room.  What if I’ve been chatting up some 12-year-old boy with smooth moves…Oogie!!  I feel sick again.  I need to go eat some carbs. Carbs dipped in butter and fried.  That fixes everything. 

XO
Kellie

Oh! One more thing…

I got the Blackberry Curve. I don’t know how it works, yet. But it’s pretty!

XO
Kellie

Wow!!!

Somebody sent me a link to this site that tracks the most-viewed blogs on the web, and mine is ranked 34th!!! I don’t know how this stuff is tracked or if this literally covers all the blogs out there…but WOW!! I am so incredibly flattered!

Emma Kelly is fast asleep after an exhausting Thanksgiving! She’s teething or something because that girl is CRANKY! She pitched a mini-fit through our entire dinner — which was at my best friend Amy’s mother’s house. Thank you, Mrs. Jain!! I found out one thing, though — Emma Kelly LOVES turkey!! She couldn’t shove it in her face fast enough.  A little mirror image of me…Anyway. We couldn’t even stick around for dessert because the meltdown was getting ready to start. And by the time I strapped her into her carseat, it was on! I’ve never heard her scream bloody murder like that! I don’t know what got into her, but maybe it was just a combination of teething, turkey and tired. I am thankful for one benefit of her hissy fit, though. I didn’t get around to eating dessert! Yea me!

I’m very proud. I didn’t stuff myself at all. I ate a good plate full — at least, most of it. The rest was shared with Emma Kelly. I did SO much damage at Disney World, I’ve spent the last couple days eating nothing but soup and fruit. I didn’t want to derail myself too badly, so I was very pleased with the lack of gluttony on my part today. The soup and fruit seems to be working, though. I lost the 3 pounds I gained at Disney. Now I’m going to shoot for another 3 before Tuesday. Blind date. A woman I work with tried to arrange this over a month ago, and to be quite honest, I thought he listened to  me on the radio and decided I wasn’t worth the aggravation! But he emailed me finally and we’re going to at least meet for lunch. THEN he can decide it’s not worth the aggravation! But I do hope to be 3 pounds thinner when he comes to that decision!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

XO
Kellie

Emma Kelly ruined my cellphone…

I learned today that you cannot take a 13-month-old who bores easily to get a mani-pedi. She tossed my cellphone in the foot bath and now it is completely shot. I can’t turn the danged thing on and I have no way to get any phone numbers out. I’m going to  have to go buy a new phone tomorrow. Suggestions? Anyone?

so…freaking…tired…

I’m so tired. But Disney World was amazing, as usual, and I’m so happy to be home with  Emma Kelly. She was actually excited to see me!! YEA!! Her face looked like it was about to burst! I needed that face. I love that face. I do believe she got a little taller in my absence. I can’t leave her like that again.

I’m kind of sad right now because somebody I thought was available for my perusal apparently is smitten with another woman. Yes, I’m still a strong woman here, not needing a man loitering in her life to be fulfilled.  Insert a roar here, if you like.  But I don’t know…he sure seemed like he was worth getting a little weak in the knees over.  And that’s exactly what I get for thinking thoughts like that! 

I’m actually in a really good place right now. People who have known me for years say they can just look at me and see a difference. I think I’m feeling that, too.  I feel like I’ve been putting out a pretty good vibe.  It seems to be working for me for the most part. But it sure is nice to have somebody to kiss on, isn’t it? That’ll come. Or it won’t. Right now, I’m just thinking about that all broth and fruit diet I’m going on to get Disney World out of my system.

XO
Kellie

Sorry about that…

I’m sorry I had to lie like that. Kidd made me!! I do happen to know a guy name Mark, though, if that counts. And I have made out with a guy before…I just don’t think I’ve ever kissed a man named Mark. Hmmm…Anyway, Taylor is the one who’s leaving the show and I AM SORRY FOR LYING!!! I HATE lying. I’m not really good at it. Or maybe I am? Some people really believed it and said they were crying and everything…except for that one woman who thinks I’m a terrible person and should have Emma Kelly taken away from me…Yes. I have to agree. Liars shouldn’t be allowed to have children. Sigh.

XO
Kellie

Thursday’s the big day!!

So Thursday is big for more than one reason. First, everyone will know once and for all that I am telling the truth and I am the one leaving the show. I can’t believe so many people doubt my love for Mark Kevin…….

Second, the Jonas Brothers are in studio. I can’t believe people showed up a full 24 hours before to camp out. That certainly should make some national gossip blogsite, don’t you think? Before they get there, though, I’ve got to go do some research and figure out what they’re all about. I’m supposed to be in love with Kevin, right? I’m sure Mark Kevin will understand.

Third, we leave for Kidd’s Kids after the show! Again, here I go with that “bittersweet” term again, but it’s just so appropriate. I want to go on the trip very badly, but leaving Emma Kelly behind is the WORST. When I put her down for bed tonight, it was just SO SAD! I didn’t want it to be her bedtime. I wanted her to stay up so I could play with her and love on her and stare at her and hold her…But the problem is, it was her bedtime and she was being a cranky little booger. So now her last memory of me before I leave is of me aggravating her by keeping her up just a few minutes longer than I should have. Oh well. I hope she isn’t mad at me for leaving her for so long. She is developing quite the little temper, which is as precious as all get out.

After my Jonas Brothers research, I’m going to pack for my trip while watching the season premiere of “Project Runway”!!! I’m so excited, I could cry!

XO
Kellie

Huge fight…

Well! Mark and I had our first huge fight today. He really liked the anonymity of our relationship, which was completely blown out of the water by me and my resignation from the show. You would think a man would like to have his woman broadcast on a national radio show what a FABULOUS kisser he is. But no. He’s a professional with a business to run and a reputation to maintain and what was I thinking and blah blah blah. Just too much stress, I think, right now. He’s got some big deals he’s working on and you tend to take it out on those closest to you, right? But I still love him. He’s a REALLY good kisser.

XO
Kellie