delicious word of the day — cinnamon

April 30, 2008 at 8:39 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 22 Comments

I am taking a break from my afternoon snack of apple slices sprinkled with a packet of Splenda and cinnamon — yum! — so I can write in my neglected little blog here.  I went for my weigh in today and — drum roll, please! — I’ve lost another 4 pounds! Now, I weigh in the exact same outfit every time and she always takes off 2 lbs for clothes, so it’s a true 4 pounds. Kelly up there has been so great. She gives me my shots in the butt and answers all my stupid questions and it’s just been really a good thing. Could I have lost this weight without doing Dr. TED? Maybe. WOULD I have lost this weight without doing Dr. TED? Probably not. It was the kick in the butt I needed.

My big concern is weighing at the KKITM studio on May 23. The scale they use up there weighs me 2 pounds heavier — 4 pounds if you don’t count off the 2 Kelly allows for clothes! So I’m going to haul my scale from home up there because it’s the scale I used when I started this diet and registered — what? — 154, I think. So I’ll use that one for the official weigh-in on the 23rd.

My other concern is getting used to really SEEING myself for the way I am. I’ve held on to that image in my brain of being the fat girl for YEARS, and it’s been my downfall every time. I have to get used to looking thin and feeling thin and BEING thin. It’s a whole new way of living and I’m going to do it!

My baby is calling me! Just woke up from her nap and I just finished off the last of my apple!



delicious word of the day — magenta

April 28, 2008 at 2:35 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 33 Comments

I have not cheated on my diet and I just wrapped up day 10!  Believe me, I am tempted!! I am REALLY tempted! I’ve been to a birthday party for twin one-year-olds, a Passover seder, a birthday dinner for my mother, and a sip-and-see for Amy’s new baby girl and I never faltered. I am so proud of myself I could spit!

I went walking for 30 minutes tonight all by myself — just me and my iPod. And it was fantastic. I kept skipping over to all the songs that made me feel like strutting my stuff, and that’s exactly what I did.  I WAS Stevie Nicks. I WAS Beyonce. I WAS Alanis Morissette. And I was FABULOUS! I visualized myself on a catwalk — on a stage — dancing down the aisle — running in slow motion on the beach. It was a complete out-of-body experience and I loved it. I hope for more of those.

I don’t know if there IS a perfect age, but I’m starting to think Emma Kelly has reached it. Eighteen months is just the BEST! She is so fun and she hugs so hard and she just wants to kiss everything and it’s just a perfect time in her little life right now. People keep telling me that we’re entering the best of the best — from now until about 2nd or 3rd grade. Then I hear it’s all pretty much downhill from there with little girls. I’m hoping they’re all just teasing me or that we’re going to be the exception to the rule. If she stays on this path and I miraculously don’t manage to screw this up, I might be on the right track to raising a pretty amazing person.


delicious word of the day — bawitdaba

April 25, 2008 at 2:31 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 24 Comments

I have had 8 hours sleep……over the past two nights. I am so tired by the time I go to bed, but I just lie there and stare at the back of my eyelids or field drunken text messages from exes who are convinced — only when close to alcohol poisoning — that they are still in love with me. You’d be surprised how often that actually happens.

So I am tired. And I don’t like diet Coke with Splenda. And I bought a freaking case of it to get me thru this diet and my gag reflex kicks in when I start to think about it. So no more diet Coke with Splenda. I will donate it to a good cause, though. I don’t like cottage cheese with skim milk, either. Had that today. Bleh. I do like ground chicken breast made into burgers. I might just live off of them for a while. Those and boiled shrimp. These things I like. Diet Coke with Splenda? Avoid it. I’m not kidding.

By the way, I’m drinking Gold Standard 100% whey protein shakes in vanilla. I mix it with skim milk and find that it’s best if I just gulp it down like the medicine it is. I also learned that you shouldn’t take two of every herbal remedy to help alleviate what drinking 100% whey protein shakes obviously do to your system in one day. I paid for that today. Dearly.

Went to Kid Rock last night. Wasn’t a big fan before. Liked a couple of his songs and thought he was all right. But WOW! I really like him! His show is absolutely filthy and if he had to put a quarter in the cuss jar for every bad word he screamed, he would go through his massive rock star fortune in no time. But Uncle Daddy was in hog heaven and it was cute to watch. He seriously knows every single word to every single song ever recorded by Kid Rock. And he will prove it to you. Ask him.

I seriously have to go to bed now. It’s 9:30 and Freddy is supposed to be in the studio with us tomorrow morning and he’s pretty cute, don’t you think? I’m going to have to get a good night’s sleep so I can wake up early enough to shave my legs. The odds of him brushing across them at any point in the morning are slim to none, but you ladies know how it is…the minute you think you can get by without shaving, that’s EXACTLY what’s going to happen.


delicious word of the day — melba

April 23, 2008 at 2:40 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 121 Comments

I gained a pound. It’s all my fault. I thought I could guesstimate what 4 ounces of fish would look like and apparently I was way off. But! I’m not panicking. I’m doing so great otherwise. I think I’ve gotten past the hardest part, which was just learning to say no. Being skinny means living a life of constant denial. I think I heard Michelle Pfeiffer say that one day.  Anyway, it’s not like I’ll NEVER get to have my mama’s Mexican corn casserole again. I just can’t have it NOW.  I think what I’m learning is that I need to live my life in balance —  mentally, physically, spiritually, intellectually.  I don’t think I’ve ever been able to pull that off before, but dang it! I think I can now! I’ve been reading that Eckhart Tolle book and I’ll be honest, A LOT of that stuff is way over my head. It’s one of those books where you find yourself reading the same paragraph over and over and over again and it still makes ZERO sense. But I read one sentence that leapt off the page at me and caused me to burst into tears — I am not the voice inside my head. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the idea. I am not the voice inside my head! It makes me want to cry right now just typing it!! That was truly a life-altering moment for me. But hey! I’ve still got a bet and potential tankini pictures hanging over my head, so I can deal with this diet thing for another 30 days — YES, I’M COUNTING! — and then I’ll try to work on this whole concept of ridding myself of ego. I can’t even explain what that means, but that seems to be what Eckhart is telling me to do. Hopefully I’ll become more enlightened as I delve further into this book.  Thanks, Oprah!

In the meantime, because I’m getting emails and MySpace messages and postings both positive and dreadful here, I’ll tell you what I’m eating, basically. I have a protein shake every morning with skim milk. I eat a couple melba toasts and a piece of fruit mid-morning. I have lean protein and a pile of veggies at lunch. Another couple of fat-free saltines and another piece of fruit mid-afternoon. More lean protein and veggies at night. I’m not really hungry, but it’s not even about that. It’s about wanting something crunchy and salty in my mouth. I really crave that.  And if I can conquer it in the next four weeks, I’ll be in good shape for the long haul.  

I am going to go zap a potential zit with my Zeno now.


Just writing during a commercial break…

April 21, 2008 at 2:39 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 29 Comments

Down to 149 this morning. First time I’ve broken the 150 barrier in quite a while!! I haven’t seen this number since the Mark Kevin Diet! I should still see about getting a patent on that….

But Jason Mraz just left — he’s so cool, isn’t he? Listening to him talk, though, makes me very, very sleepy. I can literally feel my pulse slowing as he speaks. I’ve already had my protein shake (bleh), 2 melba toast rounds, an orange, a bottle of water and now — as I type — a sickeningly sweet can of diet Coke with Splenda. I can only drink stuff sweetened with Splenda, which is VERY limiting. Hopefully I’ll start to crave this stuff like I do my two melba toast rounds.

Great to have Dianthe back!!! She’s being all sensible trying to lose her baby weight. She’s no stranger to the fad diets, but she’s giving Weight Watchers a shot. Good luck, Dianthe!!!


delicious word of the day — yarmulke

April 21, 2008 at 3:07 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments

I binged perfectly for two days and now I can proudly say, I have made it three days post-binge without cheating even once!! I am already a little bored with broccoli, but that’s okay! I will figure out a way to mix things up enough to get me through this and I will stay on the path to victory! I admit that this diet thing is a HUGE pain in the butt. I had to go to Passover at a friend’s house and eat nothing but 100-year-old eggs (it’s a Jewish thing) and steamed asparagus. But I did it! And then I went to a birthday party for twin one-year-olds and ate nothing.  I just had my bottled water and went home later to eat my boiled shrimp and broccoli. Ugh. Why did I buy so much broccoli???

I never thought the day would come when I would be excited about eating the 2 melba toast rounds I’m allowed for my afternoon snack. But I get freaking excited about 2 stinking melba toast rounds now! And I fully appreciate the intensity of a really good orange. I can’t express to you the disappointment of knowing you’re only allowed that one orange and you get a sucky one.

I didn’t weigh myself after the binge days because I didn’t want to fall into a huge depression over the scale, but I stepped up there this morning and I was down to 150. Yea! It’s hard saying no to food when it’s so beautifully tempting and displayed right out in front of you, but it’s worth it to see the numbers go down on the scale. So far, so good.

My parents and I went to a friend’s house for Passover and it was really great. My friends aren’t the strictest Jewish people in the world and what may take some Jewish families three hours to sit through took us about 45 minutes, but it was still great experiencing something so spiritual and traditional and foreign to anything we’ve grown up with. And Daddy looked cute in his purple yarmulke! And that’s important, too, right?

Today I went out and bought a lounge chair so I can get out in the back yard for a few minutes every day and try to put some color on these whitey-white legs of mine. There’s a reason everybody’s all pale and white in their “before” pictures. They want to look as awful as possible and no exposure to sunlight seems to do the trick. But I’m not going to be that sickly pale girl in a tankini again this year!! I will have some color on my body! I’m not sure if it will be tan or red, but it will be color, dang it!!

I just took two Benadryl because of a bad allergic reaction to something in the air. My eyes are puffed up like red satin pillows and they itch like fire. I’m going to go to bed now and hope this wears off by tomorrow morning.


delicious word of the day — gossipmonger

April 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 45 Comments

I guess you would call this day two of my diet, although the first two days consist of bingeing.  I’ve always known how good I am at bingeing, but when I’ve actually been INSTRUCTED to do so? Man! I have amazed myself!! I have literally made myself ill from all I managed to cram in my face. I ended day one with four Tums and a glass of diet Pepsi, trying to induce a full-body burp.  I will continue to binge today, although without as much gusto. I will just enjoy the things I have to deny myself over the course of the next 10 weeks.  That will be things like coffee, maybe a peanut butter cup ice cream cone from Braum’s, a frozen Lean Cuisine…Oh! And martinis and birthday cake!! That’ll be supper.

I started rubbing those creams in my arms this morning. I bought my protein shake powder that I have to start taking tomorrow and I need to go grocery shopping today to get ready for the big day. I’m super excited and dreading it at the same time. My mother is furious with me for doing this. She’s upset that I agreed to to this bet in the first place and worried about my physical and mental health. She’s been with me my whole life and she’s seen what I’ve struggled through — or at least the parts I allowed her to see. This body image thing is such a horrible thing. I’ve dealt with it since junior high, and I could cry for all the years wasted worrying over it. But it’s not so easy to just snap your fingers and say, “I’ve conquered it! I love myself and I’m happy with my body and I will never be self-conscious again!!” I wish I could pinpoint where it all started, but I don’t think it was any one thing. And I can see where she’s coming from as a mom because I don’t want Emma Kelly to go through the torture that I’ve put myself through. That’s why I have to conquer this once and for all. I’ll look to books, I’ll look to God, I’ll look within myself, but right now, I’m looking at the prospect of having tankini pictures being posted on the internet. Just let me get past this hurdle and then I’ll work on the mental and the spiritual stuff.

So my parents are flying in tomorrow for a 10-day visit. I guess it’s time for them to meet Uncle Daddy! I can’t WAIT to see how they all get along! It’ll finally give me something to blog about other than my diet. That’s a good thing!


diet doctor

April 16, 2008 at 1:50 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 62 Comments

I don’t consider this my official blog posting, but I’m sure there will be enough stuff on here to be dissected by those who love me or hate me or hate to love me or love to hate me…But anyway, I’ve  had enough people ask so I’ll just go ahead and tell you what’s up.

In my desperation to avoid the tankini pictures from being posted, I remembered that a month or so ago on the local news I saw this thing about the Dr. TED Diet. I googled it and found it at Let me just tell you — it ain’t exactly cheap. It’s a 10-week program and you’ve got to go in for weekly weigh-ins and shots in the butt and you have to rub these creams on your arms and you eat a very, VERY basic diet. I don’t think it’s going to be easy, but I think the accountability and the cash I’m spending are going to keep me on the straight and narrow. I’m not going to be a lot of fun to be around, though, which is why I’m not starting until Friday. I don’t want to be at my own birthday party watching everybody else eat my cake!! So I’m starting Friday. I am mentally preparing myself for that day. Oh! And the weird thing is, for the two days prior to starting, you’re supposed to binge on stuff like ice cream and potato chips!!! So I went out and bought three bags of Lay’s potato chips today (on sale for $1.75 at Target!) in plain, limon and barbecue!! I will have no problem with this diet requirement!! So I’ll be a little bloated in the birthday dress I bought for Thursday night. Big deal! Come Friday morning, I’m going to attack this like a woman possessed! I’m looking at it almost like an experiment. Just how long can I stick to this thing and just how much weight is possible to lose before I hit the beach? I am so freaking excited!! While I’m not thrilled about the actual stuff I’m going to have to do, I am so anxious to see just how this works! BELIEVE ME — I will keep you posted! And I’ll give all the gory details, which you know I LOVE. I will be your guinea pig!

Now I have to work on getting some sort of a tan. You should see Uncle Daddy. He’s so brown now he’s practically purple. What are the two of us going to look like standing next to each other on the beach??? I’m not entirely sure, but I know I’ll be looking a heck of a lot better in my tankini!


delicious word of the day — don’t have one

April 15, 2008 at 3:28 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 31 Comments

I am tired all the way around. My poor baby is eaten up with allergies and her poor little nose won’t stop running and she’s rubbing her little eyes and digging in her ear and I can’t do anything but try to keep her nose wiped and distract her from her misery but it just makes me sad that I can’t fix it. And then my allergies make me look like somebody socked me in the eyes. I look like a battered woman. But I am not battered. I am just TIRED. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to do much more than breathe as shallowly as possible. Am I depressed? I saw on the news last night that allergies can cause depression. I have allergies. Therefore I am depressed.

Another thing I’m sort of depressed about is that I think I’ve found myself in another situation where I am more excited about someone than that someone is excited about me. This is something I need to change about myself. I know this about me — I get involved way too quickly on way too many levels. Why can’t I just take things as they come? I over-analyze and over-rationalize and over-do it and over-think it until the other person decides he’s freaking over it and I’m like “What did I do wrong?” It’s the allergies. That must be it.

Visited a diet doctor today. Got a shot in my butt.  I’m not starting until Friday because my birthday party is Thursday night and I don’t want to spend the whole time making everybody uncomfortable while I stand there refusing to eat my own birthday cake. The diet doctor says I weigh 153 and that I’m 31% body fat. Huh. So in three weeks of dieting on my own I’ve lost one pound and gained 11% body fat. I should write a book.



delicious word of the day — “quesadilla”

April 8, 2008 at 3:31 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 49 Comments

Awwwww………..Uncle Daddy didn’t hear my little rant about him not offering me one of his quesadillas Friday night, but somebody was sweet enough to fill him in on all the details and he checked it out for himself on the K-Pod. So tonight I’m sitting around the house letting it all hang out — no makeup, schlubby clothes, bedroom shoes — and I’m THINKING about putting on my tennis shoes and doing another mile or two when my cell phone goes off and it’s Uncle Daddy telling me to come to the front door. He had a great big bag of quesadillas from the same restaurant Friday night and a sweet little note telling me he was sorry. Awwwwwwwwwww…………And I looked like butt with zero makeup on and frizzy hair, but he said I looked beautiful to him. Awwwwwwwwwwww…..I am SO going to keep him.

Of course, I felt obligated to eat a couple in front of him. I could KICK MYSELF now, but what was I supposed to do?? So I’ll just run a little farther tomorrow.  But I think I’m going to cancel my trip to Mexico. I just can’t bear the thought of wearing a bathing suit in front of him or anybody from work. I just want to throw up at the thought. Right now I’m too busy preparing myself for the inevitable uploading of my wretched tankini photos on the internet. It’s going to happen. If I keep popping quesadillas here and there and allowing myself “just one drink”it’s just something I’m going to have to deal with. My own damned fault for agreeing to this stupid bet in the first place.

In other news, Emma Kelly’s hair is really starting to come in! I am personally very excited about it. She’s just so danged cute at this stage RIGHT NOW. I want to freeze it and hold it and squeeze every ounce out of it, but she just keeps getting older. And when I kiss her little baby feet, it’s like they aren’t baby feet anymore! They’re KID feet!! When did that happen? She’s just so freaking cute.

Best friends since fifth grade are coming to town this Thursday to start the celebration of my birthday! YEA! How many quesadillas and “just one drink” moments do you think I’m going to enjoy. There aren’t enough miles to run to make up for the damage I’m about to do to myself….


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