Monday, Monday

July 29, 2008 at 2:30 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 32 Comments

I’m so incredibly sorry I’ve been slacking off in writing. I realize some people do check this every day and that only adds to my guilt for not leaving SOMETHING new here on a daily basis. I don’t know if it’s the heat, my hormones, my poor diet, my love life, the daily hell of remodeling or a combination of all of it, but I’m just feeling really, really down. 

You know that feeling of just wanting to go home? “There’s no place like home.” “Home is where the heart is.” You know that feeling you get after having the worst day ever of just walking in your front door and feeling like the weight of the world has just been lifted from your shoulders? Well, I don’t have that right now. I come home and I want to cry. I have no place to go where I feel like I can just BE. And I know this is temporary and I know I’m going to absolutely love it when it’s all done, but I just want to hibernate until this is all over.

Today, they were messing around with the electricity and the refrigerator went out. Of course, I didn’t notice until the entire freezer was in a puddle. I got them to fix that, but tonight I noticed the dryer’s not working. And the air conditioner is out in two rooms of my house. And the lights aren’t working in the hallway or in the laundry room. And the doorbell doesn’t work. And according to the calendar I was given, we’re at least a full week behind schedule and we’re only just beginning the fourth week. What have I done? Wasn’t my house fine before? And I have no one to blame but myself. I was stupid enough to want a prettier house. I should’ve just moved. It’s all my fault. I’ve had a headache for three days straight. Never, ever again will I pull a stunt like this. And I’m sorry to write about it, but that’s what my whole life is about right now. And I also realize I’m absolutely no fun to be around, so nobody needs to point that out, either.

I just want to curl up in the dark with a bag of potato chips and a two liter bottle of diet Pepsi and watch a Project Runway marathon. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon so I’m just going to go take some more Ibuprofen and try to have a sweet dream. I’m really, really sorry I can’t be uplifting right now. But I felt more guilty about not writing anything at all, so that’s what I’ve got. Maybe tomorrow I’ll just post pictures. Or a video. Yeah….I need to get Andrew to edit a video of Emma Kelly at the beach and I’ll get him to post that.



My friend says it’s always weird for 3 days after the full moon…

July 24, 2008 at 2:53 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

I’m going to take my friend’s word for it that all of this weirdness is going to pass soon and I can get about the business of being blissful again.

What a day. They’re still hammering and banging at my house. Does the demolition part ever end?? We’re two and a half weeks in and it’s like, Come on already! How much more can you tear out? Let’s start putting some stuff back in here, people! I’m so overwhelmed by having to pick out appliances and paint colors and couches that I’m flying my mama in to come save me. I hope Emma Kelly will always look to me like that. I just think my mama’s the best. She’s got the best taste in decorating — she really should do that for other people and get paid for it. But she’s like me. No self-confidence. But we have so much fun together and I can’t wait for her to get here.

Other than the non-stop stress from the home remodeling and the big checks I’m writing to go along with it, the day was sort of up and down for me. For the life of me, I couldn’t find a single soul who was available to go have lunch with me today. I felt like such a loser! Sure, I could’ve sent out a text message blast a la Big Al, but that would seem so….loserish.  So I ended still ended up like a loser eating a Whopper all by myself in my car. And let me tell you what — that was the best danged Whopper I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’ve had one in about five years, and I’m not even exaggerating. So I’m sort of glad it worked out that way.

And since we’re eating every meal away from home these days, to balance the Whopper for lunch, I thought we’d do that Souper Salad bar for supper. Right. No over-indulging there! But the very best part of my night — besides inhaling half the salad bar all by myself — was having my daughter gag when she tried strawberry shortcake for the first time in her life and then projectile vomit all over the table. Poor thing! But what a perfect ending to my already perfect day.

Going to dinner with friends tomorrow night who are guaranteed to make me laugh until I forget about all the drama.

Oh! And I’m going to try to insert just one or two pictures of what my house looks like.


A little taste of Gay Bingo

July 23, 2008 at 2:59 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

They edited out my best stuff! Like how my first boyfriend Bennie — who insisted on being called “Bene” (should’ve been my first clue…) — left me for Patrick…Oh well! I wish they would’ve shown Shanon dancing for birthday tips and J-Si taking his shirt off to claim his raffle prize!! I’m sure there’s footage of that SOMEWHERE.


I forgot….

July 22, 2008 at 3:08 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

I’m sorry. I forgot to ask Ben to show me how to do pictures on here. I’ll try to remember to do that tomorrow. I used to be able to, but something’s different now. Maybe it’s me.

My mind is in a million different places. I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now which is a very, very bad thing. When I become overwhelmed by emotions or work problems or finances or relationships or just anything — when I feel like things are spiraling out of control — that’s when I am tempted to revert to my old, dirty secret life of bingeing and purging. When I was a teenager and in my 20s, it was the only thing that made me feel centered and relieved. It makes absolutely no sense, I know, and if you’ve never suffered from it, you cannot begin to understand why eating out-of-control gives you a sense of control. But it’s like you’re out of your mind and out of your own body as you fill yourself up to the point of sickness and then there’s this big release and you come back into yourself and experience such a sense of relieft. It’s an awful, awful thing and like I said, I’m TEMPTED. But I have a daughter now and I have to be here for her and I can’t be playing around with that stuff anymore. 

Didn’t mean to go there, but I don’t really have anything that light-hearted to share tonight. I will end, though, by telling you how adorable Emma Kelly is. She calls juice “goosey” and she has her third swim lesson tomorrow and she tries to break my nose on a daily basis by slamming her head into my face and she loves  her binky and her bunny. I also think she’s ready to begin potty training because she’s starting to tell me — after the deed has been done in her diaper — that she needs to go. There is no part of me that’s ready for her to  become a “big girl” but I know it’s got to happen. I’d be happy to continue changing her diapers for as long as necessary, but she IS getting a little too big for the diaper changing stations in public restrooms….Half her body is dangling over the edge. Granted, she’s really tall for her age, but still….



July 18, 2008 at 3:08 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Even Andrew the computer geek/unibomber couldn’t figure out how to load pictures on this thing. So! We have to wait until head computer geek Ben gets back from vacation to do that. In the meatime, you can go to my page on and check out some pictures there.

I am going thru major home renovations right now and it looks like the process is right on schedule! But, then again, we’re only two weeks in to an 11-week project. I have no ceiling in my living room and kitchen. No flooring — just the concrete slab. No kitchen. My bedroom has become the heart of the house. Emma Kelly, Laura and I were all piled on my bed watching TV tonight. One big happy family! I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end, but I’ll tell you what — it’s a good thing I’m not married right now because I think this would lead to a divorce!

Hosting Gay Bingo Saturday night for their big anniversary celebration. Should be fun. Should be interesting. Could be awkward! I’m bringing Not Derek and Uncle Daddy will be there, too. Now UD and I didn’t end on bad terms, so there’s no animosity or anything like that, so I don’t expect fists or F-bombs to be flying at any point. Besides, if things get ugly, I’ve got a room full of transvestites backing me up and you DON’T want to see a transvetite get angry. I just don’t want things to be weird…but how can they not be, just a little.

Anyway, if nothing else, I’ll have a story to tell come Monday morning! And hopefully pictures to post on here, too!


I’m sorry…

July 15, 2008 at 2:02 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

I’ve been trying to insert pictures into this blog for the past 30 minutes and I am apparently the most clueless person on the planet. I posted like a dozen pictures and only one comes up. I’m going to ask Andrew what I’m doing wrong and hopefully I can fix this tomorrow.

My vacation was very relaxing and yet somewhat regretful. A 3-pound weight gain wasn’t what I was hoping for, but it’s my own danged fault. I’m a helpless victim at the all-you-can-eat China buffet. And it wasn’t even that good this time! Daddy got a 10% off coupon in the newspaper to try this new place and it was just “eh.” We made up for it at Prosser’s all-you-can-eat BBQ and seafood buffet, though. That’s pretty much where the 3 pounds came in. That and the Blue Bunny ice cream…I can always count on my parents for a good half gallon of that stuff with my name written all over it.

Anyway, I came home to a disaster zone.  I’m having my kitchen and living room remodeled and they did a lot of demo while I was gone.  Walking into that was a bit unsettling, but I’m adjusting okay. It’s not forever…just 2 months…And who doesn’t love having a makeshift kitchen set up in their master bedroom and bath?? I can roll off my bed, crawl 3 feet across the carpet and make myself a piping hot bag of microwave popcorn. What’s not to love?? I might just leave it like that after the renovations are complete. I’d post pictures of that, too, but again, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing.

I need to go do something productive now, so I’ll holler back at you tomorrow.

Summer fun

July 7, 2008 at 1:04 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 27 Comments

Hey! Emma Kelly and I flew from Dallas to Myrtle Beach Saturday. I was SO nervous about that flight. Prayed HARD all the way to the airport that God would help me keep her happy and entertained and that we would be surrounded by passengers with good senses of humor and that we would not be asked at any point to leave the plane. And God answered my prayers and she did GREAT. She didn’t sit there like a perfect little angel with her hands folded neatly on her lap, but we did have some cute little girls right behind us who loved humoring her by giving her dap and letting her wear their bracelets. And she mercifully took about a 30 minute nap — would’ve been longer had it not been for the scream of another baby on board waking her. But I couldn’t be mad about it. We mothers have to stick together and not get angry with each other over that which we have little or no control!  The only problem I had was the diaper incident. I gave her so much juice to suck on to help with her ears and keep her happy that her diaper reached maximum capacity. Thankfully I was holding her at the time, so only she and I were covered in pee and not the airplane seat. I would’ve been mortified if they had to trade out seats because of her leaky diaper. And since we had no change of clothes in the diaper bag, Emma Kelly was running around the airport in nothing but her diaper and hot pink Crocs. We looked so white trash but it was super cute! Anyway. Learned my lesson on that one! She’ll be wearing an overnight diaper on the flight home.

So we landed in Myrtle Beach and even though I told my parents and myself that I wanted to eat healthy this week and not do the usual gorge-fest, I can’t lie. I have done nothing but shovel food into my mouth non-stop since we got here. I hope the initial feeding frenzy has subsided and I can make it through the rest of the week without doing too much damage to the scales. But! It’s vacation, dang it! And I want some boiled peanuts and BBQ and China buffet!! So I’ll just go back on Dr. TED when I get back home for a few days and undo the damage that will be done.

Besides eating, all we’ve done so far is go to church. Of course I dressed Emma Kelly up in her prettiest pink and her biggest bow so my parents could show off their beloved granddaughter. She was a hit, of course. Then we gorged at El Cerro — my parents’ favorite Mexican restaurant right across from the Wal-Mart which, by the way, is the second busiest Wal-Mart in the entire country. Then Mama and I took Emma Kelly to the Tanger Outlet because I wanted to get my baby some new shoes for her chubby-ubby little feet. She’s a 7W! And I love for her to wear Stride Rite, so we went to the outlet nd stocked her up on four new pairs of shoes that she so desperately needed. It was there that Emma Kelly pitched the hissy fit of her lifetime. She is so off schedule and didn’t have but a 15 minute nap in the car and she just couldn’t deal. I’m glad Mama got to see that. She now sees that yes, karma is a very real thing and I now have to deal with mini-Kellie just like she did many, many years ago.

Anyway! We are rolling slow on this Monday morning. Just took their dog Jo-Jo for a poopy walk and we’ll be heading to the beach later today to let Emma Kelly play in the waves. SO excited to watch her! She was only 9 months old last time we were here and all she could do was sit there and look cute in her bikini. This year will be a lot more fun. I’ll take lots of pictures, but it’ll be next week before I can post them.

Have a great week!



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