delicious word of the day — “riesling”

February 28, 2008 at 10:45 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 21 Comments

I was invited by Kinsey to a fun little wine-tasting party and we had so much fun. I was late — as usual, due to my horrible time management skills — but I was nowhere near as late as Shanon. She was extremely nervous about the event and had every intention of wearing an evening gown for the occasion, but ended up coming in her skull cap and sweats because she fell asleep and woke up at 7:30pm for an event that began at 7. Anyway, she still managed to sip on a couple of glasses, which is all she needed because then she was in rare form! This was actually an event promoting some lotions and scrubs and stuff so there was a cameraman there to film testimonials. Shanon was the first to volunteer, of course. She was promptly kicked out! Hilarious! But, of course, we’d been sampling wines for an hour so everything was hilarious to us on some level. But there was just something about Shanon standing there with a camera in her face, stating her full name and age that sent us into hysterics. Oh well! The camera dude will get over it. I’m not so sure Shanon will. After he left, she went on a mission to hunt him down and convince him that  she’s a good person.

 I was supposed to take a one-hour pilates class on Wednesday that ended up being a 2-hour gab fest. Apparently, I needed more mental help than physical and so that’s what me and my wellness coach focused on. It’s not that I’m in turmoil or anything, but that’s sort of the problem. I’ve been in this state of just “being” — which sort of feels like “eh.” It’s not a bad thing, though. I’m just here and it’s not something I’m used to. She says she’s sensing a shift in me, moving away from all the anxieties and hangups and towards all this good stuff, but in the meantime, my entire self is having to catch up to all these changes, therefore it sort of feels like “eh” right now. I’m just going to be okay with it.

I also had little epiphanies here and there about how I tend to sabatoge myself because I don’t think I deserve something — whether it’s a nice wardrobe or a hot boyfriend or love or whatever. Very interesting. But I wonder if she’s going to charge me for that second hour?


Emma Kelly is walking! And it only took 15 1/2 months!

February 27, 2008 at 5:07 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 47 Comments

delicious word of the day — “harajuku”

February 27, 2008 at 3:19 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 18 Comments

I am deliriously tired.  I don’t know why. I haven’t lifted more than a fork to my mouth. And a spoon. And my fingers. And straws. And chopsticks. If there’s a way to get food into my mouth that I haven’t yet discovered, please let me know.  I’m so busy enjoying living in the “now”that I’ve become practically oblivious to the consequences of my actions.  I heard there was some book about living in the “now” that is supposed to be a super-enlightening experience, but I figured…what needs to be explained? It’s like, what part of living in the “now” do you not understand? Just don’t think about yesterday or tomorrow, right? Live now, damn it. LIVE! It’s sort of like that Secret book. After the first five pages, I got it — Positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. Now fill the next 200 pages saying the exact same thing in 200 different ways so you can justify charging what you did for the book. But see, I’m not worrying about what I spent on that book and I’m not obsessing over that full order of quesadillas I ate for dinner and I’m not stressing about stepping on the scales in the morning, because right now, I’m just going to let myself feel what I feel — and that is tired. Full and tired. And gassy. It’s the quesadillas.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my wellness/pilates coach. I don’t know how she’s going to feel about all this “now” stuff.


delicious word of the day — “wasabi”

February 25, 2008 at 2:09 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 25 Comments

I’ve been having a bit of writer’s block lately, I guess you’d call it. I don’t feel like I have anything interesting to say about anything in particular. I’ve got the Oscars blaring in the background as I type this, and I couldn’t be any less interested to hear what that guy is actually saying right now. I tuned in to about 15 seconds of an Oscar pre-show and realized I wasn’t even the least bit curious to see who was wearing what, so I flipped that off to. I was, however, fortunate enough in those 15 seconds or so to experience the gut-wrenching awfulness that has become Ryan Seacrest. And I LIKED Ryan! I swear I did! But he has become this THING I want to despise. He’s talking to Viggo Mortensen, who is putting on his best “thespian” routine for Ryan, and Viggo says something about how he was going to bring this man with him on the red carpet — the director of his movie, maybe? — but that someone extremely close to him had just died. Ryan totally blew him off! “Congratulations on the Oscar nomination, Viggo!” And then I saw him handing out dinnerware with his face stamped on the plates. Yeah, I know it’s supposed to be a joke, but UGH! Am I the only one who feels this way about him?? Ryan is slowly replacing that Samantha Harris as my least favorite person in the world. Do you know how many people Ryan has had to step over to get to that position??

Other than Ryan Seacrest, there’s really nothing wrong with me at the moment. I’m entering that state of what they call “zen” or something where nothing bothers me — except Ryan Seacrest. I’m not particularly concerned with what I’m eating. I’m not all freaked out about what I’m wearing. It’s sort of all right that my phone’s not ringing. I’m really okay with just being. What is WRONG with me? This is not the me to whom I’ve grown so accustomed. If I don’t stir up some drama, I’ll have nothing to sort out in these blogs except my distaste for Ryan Seacrest and that would become quite tedious. I’m going to have to drum up some heartache or something here pretty soon. I need to start setting myself up for a good fall so I can give ya’ll something good to read.


delicious word of the day — “precipice”

February 20, 2008 at 1:18 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 35 Comments

The fallout from the post-Valentine’s Day brunch continues. Today I polished off the jumbo bag of Ruffles and almost all the Reese’s peanut butter cups and chicken nuggets — made those for the kids.  Trying to live with all that food in the house while going through the monthly turmoil that is PMS isn’t exactly helping, either. Dang, I’m weepy today. I look at my child and weep. I watch Oprah and weep. I fold clean laundry and weep. Nobody calls and I weep. This too shall pass…

Can I just leave this diary entry at that? Please forgive me. I need to go watch American Idol and weep. I can’t believe they’re making me listen to that 60s crap.


delicious word of the day — “artichoke”

February 19, 2008 at 3:43 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 17 Comments

I am destined to either date men who have an insatiable need to be talked about on the radio or by those who are intrigued enough by me to stick around despite it.  I think after the initial “shock and awe” of today’s show, “Uncle Daddy” actually considered bolting. But after hours of consideration and some of the initial sting wore off a little, he said he decided I’m fun to be around and wouldn’t mind so much seeing me again. WHAT? I’m FUN???  Where in the world did THAT come from?? I’ve been described as a lot of things in this lifetime, but “fun” isn’t usually one of them. I’d better work on keeping him around a while longer because I’m not quite so sure that sentiment would be shared by any other man who’d just been teased mercilessly by my “brothers” on the radio. And isn’t that basically what I’m dealing with? I’m working with a bunch of over-protective and/or pain-in-the-butt brothers who live to make my life miserable. They’re so…………………SIXTEEN! Ugh.  

So I’m taking out this huge life insurance policy just in case I drop dead here in the next day or two and Emma Kelly wants to — I don’t know — continue eating and maybe wear some store-bought clothes from time to time before she grows up and decides she wants to go to one of them there fancy learning places. So today, I had to have a physical to prove that I’m insureable. This man actually saved me the trouble of going to a sterile medical office and came to my warm, loving home. It was here that he forced me to do the unthinkable. I not only stood on a scale in front of him, he made me show him my belly!!! What is up with this EKG thing? Nobody told me the parts about losing the bra and showing some skin! And I don’t think a man’s seen that part of my body in a fully lit room EVER! Not even on my honeymoon! But he said he’s seen worse.  Isn’t that what they all say? Sweet talker….

I’m going to go eat something really, really bad. It’s not like I still don’t have tons of crap left over from Saturday brunch. I already polished off the mini quiches and now I’m working on the artichoke jalapeno dip.


delicious word of the day — “entourage”

February 18, 2008 at 3:40 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 21 Comments

I realized the other day that I pay a heck of a lot of money for all these premium movie channels and all I do is watch Tivoed episodes of my favorite soap opera and celebrities going through rehab. So I decided to surf on up into those mysterious channels which have been unvisited up until now and I found this wonderful little channel called “HBO On Demand.” I clicked on that little baby and I found some episodes of a show I keep hearing everybody talk about called “Entourage” and decided to give it a little look-see. Four episodes later and I am officially hooked! YEA! I feel so “in” right now.

Otherwise this weekend was pretty low-key. I decided to have a post-Valentine’s Day brunch and play date for some of my girlfriends and their daughters. I stressed and fretted over this thing, spending hundreds of dollars on pre-packaged dips and cheeses and sauces and spreads from the friendly neighborhood warehouse called Costco. I was sweating like a pig, schlepping all of this stuff into the house and dumping it into fancy serving dishes and setting it out on the table. And do you know what? They barely touched any of it.  I swear to you, everybody took a plate. I saw them do it! But after they all made a pass through, I looked down at the table and it was as if nothing had been removed. It was like some sort of miracle — just like the loaves and the fishes!! No matter how little or how much anybody took, the food apparently kept multiplying because it was all still there! And then another miracle happend. Poof!! Everybody vanished. They all just up and left. Now what’s up with that? I had all these visions of us sitting around sipping on mimosas, talking and laughing while our daughters played at our feet. But my party that started at noon was over by 1:45.  I finally finished cleaning up the mess by 4.  Tell me again why one of my new year’s resolutions was to open my  home to entertain more? I’m going to be eating leftover hummus and spinach dip for a freaking MONTH! Next time, I’m doing the foot-long Subway sandwich and not worrying about it.

I blew my Maroon 5 Makeover BIG TIME this weekend. But it’s not like I was actually doing it for them anyway. And I’m sitting here probably a couple pounds heavier from trying to take care of the rest of that cajun crab dip, but I’m really okay with that. I don’t even think Adam Levine is going to notice.


delicious word of the day — “eclectic”

February 14, 2008 at 2:57 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 89 Comments

I have had a good day. I woke up to find I hadn’t lost a pound after day one of my Maroon 5 Makeover, but I stuck to my program — although I tweaked it a little here and there — and I am very confident that I will see some results soon enough. If not, I’m going to get in touch with Mark Kevin and have him reject me all over again so my stomach can go into convulsions and cause me to drop some quick poundage. But I’ll try doing it the right way for a while longer. And instead of the elliptical, today I did an hour of pilates. I was doing it so hard my legs were trembling uncontrollably. That’s gotta be good. But I guess it depends on what’s causing the tremors, right?

As far as that Super Food stuff, I’m almost out of hemp seeds and I can’t force myself to chew on any more of that rubbery seaweed, so I put in an order with the crunchy granola woman to get me some more of them there seeds and to hook me up with the seaweed pills instead.  Also, she’s got these little chocolate ball thingies that make my face tingle when I eat them. I think it’s because all my blood’s rushing up there. It’s really weird and I haven’t decided yet if I like that feeling or not, but I’ve ordered up another dozen just so I can find out for sure. I can’t believe the stuff I do sometimes……I’m scared of heights and I won’t try anything that hints of danger, but I’d pretty much eat dried goat poop if somebody told me it’s the miracle I’ve been looking for…..

Emma Kelly is walking! Not all the time, of course. But even as an adult, I find that I don’t want to walk all the time, either, so I’m cool with that. She has taken a good 10 steps or so at once and her confidence is building. She’s so proud of herself! And any worries I had about that part of her development are completely gone. She’s just the most perfect, most precious, most WALKING child ever!! And isn’t that video I posted of her dancing the cutest thing EVER?? I just adore that child.

So Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and I can’t believe it, but I’m not the least bit depressed.  Weird, considering where my mind and mood was less than a month ago. My girlfriend Haven is taking Emma Kelly and me to dinner. Isn’t that sweet? I’m going to treat her like I would my REAL Valentine’s Day date. I’ll order the steak and lobster and get a little tipsy on red wine, then show her the Heisman when she drops me off at my door. Just keepin’ it real on Valentine’s Day! She’ll play along…

I think Big Al’s either forgiven me or forgotten about our weekend blowup. That’s a big relief. It’s no fun having something like that hanging over your head.

I think I’m going to go give myself a facial now. My pores are feeling all cloggy. Is “cloggy” a word?



February 13, 2008 at 4:21 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 42 Comments

delicious word of the day — “rigmarole”

February 13, 2008 at 2:29 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 45 Comments

I think I came pretty darned close to sticking to my Maroon 5 Makeover diet today. And I did my one hour on the elliptical, which amounted to over 680 calories burned and 5.6 miles tread. I know I look completely ridiculous on that machine because I can’t help myself — I have to sing along with all the songs screaming at me through my iPod. I’m actually just mouthing along, but I’m not so sure there aren’t times when a note or some audible air comes out. I’m sure I look borderline psychotic, but I don’t care that much. It gets me pumped up about doing an hour and it brings me joy. And singing along in my head doesn’t quite do it for me. My mouth has to participate. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to do something about those momentary lapses where I forget where I am and I go into this interpretive head-bopping, eye-winking routine. I don’t know WHAT’S up with that, but I’m embarrassed for myself. THAT’S psychotic.

I decided that my wardrobe is completely depressing. There was just something about standing in my closet with Al and J-Si and looking at that see of black drabness that grabbed ahold of me. So I have been on a closet- and drawer-cleaning mission. If I haven’t worn it in a year — or in some cases, 5, 6 or 7 years! — it’s going to charity. I am going to have nothing left but the same five outfits I’ve worn all winter! And they’re all black, too!! I am going to have to take out a second mortgage or something, but I am going to HAVE to buy a completely new wardrobe.  I’m still not finished raping and pillaging my clothes yet, but when I am, I am going to embarrass myself and list some of the stuff I’m getting rid of. You would not BELIEVE the number of turtlenecks I own!!! Truly depressing. 


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