Up down up down up down

August 28, 2008 at 8:37 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 25 Comments

My moods are all over the place lately. I sort of had a mini-meltdown night before last — just overwhelmed by this whole remodeling thing and wishing I’d never started it in the first place. And it was just made worse today when they’re two weeks behind schedule and I came home at 4:30 in the afternoon to find out that no one had been in the house the entire day. Another day lost. And we’re heading into the Labor Day weekend and I can only imagine when somebody’s going to show up again. And I know these guys don’t care that I’m trying to raise an almost 2-year-old in this mess. And I know they don’t care weve eaten practically every meal out of the house since the first of July. And I know they don’t care that we’re all living out of my master bedroom. And I know they don’t care if they’re 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months behind schedule. And I know they don’t care that I had to refinance my house to pay for these changes and that my bank account is slowly dwindling down to a big fat bunch of nothing. I know they don’t freaking care. BUT. When I come home at the end of a particularly long day, I’d like to be able to look around and notice that at least SOMEBODY has set foot in my freaking torn up house while I was gone all day!!!

That’s all I have to say about that. I know nobody reading this cares to hear me gripe about it, either. I am very blessed to have a roof over my head and a healthy child and that my month-long battle with the funk is slowly winding to a close. God is good. 

Emma Kelly truly is the light of my life. Truly. I love her more than anything in this world. I’d give my life for her. But Lord help me, I don’t know what to do about this “No!” thing that’s going on right now. I don’t want to beat her — that’s a lie. Sometimes I want to spank the fire out of her britches. But I really want to try every other alternative before I resort to putting my hand on her bottom. The only thing that seems to work is removing her from the situation. But you know what? Sometimes you just can’t remove her from the situation. So then what? She thinks it’s a game. First she yells at me, “No!” Then when I tell her mommy is not playing, she comes back with her cutest smile and a sing-songy, “Noooooo……” It’s all a big game to her. Honest to God, she is the best child ever, but it’s this one thing that’s making me feel like the biggest LOSER of a mother.

When my mama was here, she witnessed one of these episodes. My own mother scolded me, “Don’t you let her win.” Well, what am I supposed to do exactly, Mama?  You can only imagine my delight when the next day, Emma Kelly got into the same “No” battle with Grandmama. I looked at my mother — and yes, with a satisfied sneer smeared across my mouth — I said, “Don’t let her win.” It’s not as easy as it looks, people.

I’ve got to go watch the Democratic thing on TV now, I guess. Need to stay informed.

xo

kellie

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25 Comments »

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  1. Kellie, I don’t mind you griping about trying to live in the chaos that is a home remodel, as long as you share the end results with us. Deal?

    I understand your mom’s “don’t let her win” attitude, and I’m sure it was a struggle to keep the upper hand. But maybe she’ll be over that stage soon. Maybe she’s just feeling the stress of the house situation and needs a way to release that and you, unfortunately, are the recipient of her ill will. I hope it’s all over soon.

    Thanks for the blog!

  2. Watch Supernanny. I wished that show was on when my kids were little.

  3. kellie, dont worry. im raising a two year old going on three in november.but ne way, i have to raise with my daughter on my own and when she gets in one of her tantraums i just wanna run for the hills! but i stay calm and put her in her room and tell her until she calms down and stops what ever shes doing at the time ONLY then can she come out. but i dont leave i dont want to feel abandoned and you knw it works! cause then she tells me sorry and everything is ok. i think your doing a great job! my aunt tells me the same thing also,i take whatever advise i can since im alone on this. and i dont mind you griping its just another way of letting it out.

  4. I think you have a great attitude about the remodel. Sometimes it is hard to see the forrest through the trees so you have every right to complain. But at the same time you do realize that at the end of the day you are very blessed. I have an almost 2 year old too and the No game isn’t a lot of fun, especially when they pull out that irrisitable smile (sorry for all sp mistakes). Take care!

  5. Don’t be a pacifist and spank the child when she needs a spanking. It will make them better people as they grow older. As they grow and encounter the type of people who never got a spanking and were never told “no” when they were young they will thank you for having raised them differently.

  6. Kellie… your frustration with your remodel is normal… but the rest of us are frustrated with the lack of pictures!! We’re in this with you girl… if we’re going to listen then you have to share!!!!

  7. I remember going thru this with my kids. There seems to be a stage where they are uncontrollable. I even used to ask my mom…”when do they start listening”??? Just stick to your guns and eventually it will sink in.

  8. Kellie, my grandson is 2 months younger than Emma Kelly, and he is at the very same stage right now, “No” to everything, it will pass, just get out those cute little baby pictures, it’ll help keep you sane!

  9. Hey Kellie, you should try this book called Parenting with Love and Logic. My daughter is four and the most strong willed kid on the planet. It has really helped me “real her in” so to speak.

  10. LOL “spank the fire out of her britches”…you are so funny Kellie. Hope you have a great weekend!!

  11. Kellie,

    I’m reading the book, “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tedd Tripp. It’s a biblical approach to parenting and discipline, and Yes!, it does include spanking. It’s been an odd change in our house from the counting approach or the yelling or the time-outs I used, none of which worked. I have three kids, 12, 7 and 5, and even my oldest got a spanking last night for her smart mouth. She looked at me like I was crazy when I told her to put her hands on the bed! Funny how her smart mouth disappeared real quick after that!

    At Emma Kelly’s age, has anyone told you to ignore her? I tried that approach and it worked when mine were little, but as they get privy to the psychology, they start adding to the “No’s!” with stomping or hitting.

    Good luck!
    Keep us posted!

  12. Kellie,

    I have a 16 month old daughter now and yes their tantrums and “no’s” are absolutely horrible. I get so frustrated sometimes too that I seriously just want to spank her bottom. Some think spanking is okay others do not. I personally feel only in “extreme” situations you should. Otherwise, tapping their hand, giving her a time out spot where you put her in a safe area of the house and walk away for 2 minutes or until she stops crying. Once she stops crying you ask “Are you ready to be a good girl” and if they start crying again , keep them there and if she does not you take her out. Just play with different things to do, to find the best form of discipline for your daughter. (She is so cute)
    There is a book called “To train up a child” by Mike and Debi Pearl and you can get them on http://www.nogreaterjoy.com. It has great tips to help with what you are going through. Maybe it will also help the time pass by while you are dealing with this remodeling issue.
    It’s okay to have a mini melt down we all have them , believe me I have had my fair share.
    It will be okay though, just remember “This too shall pass” and it will. If you can complain to the company who is doing your remodeling, complain. Tell them your frustrations not everyone that is working for you is completely heartless. If they dont listen to bitchy approach then let them listen to what trouble this has caused you. Take care !

  13. Kelli – You have to stay on top of the contractor’s behind!!!! Trust me..and who cares if you come off like a B!!! Stay on top them. If you don’t, no one else will. There was no excuse for them to have missed work.

  14. Hey Kellie – I feel your pain – I have 3 kids from 18 right on down to 3. The other night I made a Wal Mart run which is secret code for “I need to get out this house before my children make me insane” and saw the book “How to have a new kid in 5 days” – I swear to you Kellie, the Lord put that book in my check out line!! I do not like these motivational type books (The Secret etc) but I wish someone had given me this book on my 1st childs 2nd birthday. I could have saved thousands in Wal Mart runs!!! Best line of the entire book – Say it once and WALK AWAY! The book is great. It really helps though to have the nanny, grandparents , dad and all on the same page. Your nerves will thank you!!! Good luck! She is sooo cute!

  15. I’m npt usually one to comment on blogs…too busy reading.. but this one struck a cord with me. The best piece of advice I ever got was just to follow your instincts and trust that you know your daughter best and what is the best for her. The same person also told me “you can read all the books you want to but always remember that your child isn’t reading the same book. They don’t know the script.”

    When things get really frustrating just remember that in the blink of an eye it will be her yelling “no” and slamming the door to her room because you won’t let her go out with that no-good boy.

    Good luck and know that we are all right there with ya’!!

  16. I think the most important and most difficult thing you can do is be consistent and follow through. Don’t make idle threats. One technique that I found really worked with my kids was to get down to eye level with them, hold their hands or arms firmly, look into their eyes and speak to them with a firm voice. Get’s their attention and let’s them know Mommmy means business.

  17. Kellie… I have twin boys and when they were about Emma Kellie’s age, we were in Walmart and one of them was playing with some little tiny candles and I said put those down and one of them said “NO”. I said you don’t say no to me, young man! So he said, NO Ma’am! At least he has some manners when he is disobeying! LOL!

  18. I am going through the same phase with my son who is 16 mos (and also the best little kiddo), except he doesnt say “no” once he says it like 6 times in a row. Sometimes when it drives me crazy I will swat his let (not hard at all) and it does make him stop. But he will do it again hours later….if I didnt swat his leg then he would continue at that particular time….at least it stops him for the time being and he knows we are not playing a game. Its something to try, it may not work for Emma Kellie but at least you will know.

  19. It’s me again – I just wondered if you’d ever read Dr. John Rosemond’s column in a newspaper or read his books. He’s so no-nonsense, and he qualifies the way you and I were raised. He’s got great ideas and believe me, when he argues a point it’s pretty hard to argue back. He thinks having a child as the “center of the household” works against the whole process of child-rearing. Think back to when you and your brother were raised – did the world turn around you, or was it more of a “that’s what Mom and Dad want” kind of household?
    Just a thought!

  20. Kellie, you are so funny and country – I love that about you! I’m sure Emma Kelly is feeling the stress you are experiencing and all the chaos in your house probably isn’t helping.

    Hopefully it will blow over, but we all know kiddos can be the biggest challenge in life!

    Can’t wait to see pics of your remodel!

  21. Cynthia, I know supernanny is the best, I wish she could have come to our house when my kids were younger too, but at 8, 13 and 14 I’m sure she could still help us out!!

  22. Kellie,
    Guess what…Emma Kelly is NORMAL!
    It’s called “negativism” and its what almost 2 year olds are SUPPOSED to be like. I”m a pediatrician and a mom. I have so sympathized with you putting your mommyhood and the rest of your life out there for everyone.
    Dr. T Berry Brazelton’s book “TouchPoints: Zero to Three” can be a big help.
    Remember this is just a phase. You’re witnessing the blossoming of her personality. Enjoy it and remember to laugh! Little ones her age are supposed to be completely mortifying and frustrating.
    Keep it up. God bless!

  23. Yes, she’s two and yes it is just a phase. However, from someone who was raised in daycare, whose mother owns a daycare, keeping over 100 children, and has for over 20 years and has seen the degeneration of society from kids NOT being disciplined properly, here’s my two cents. Spank the fire our of her britches. No, spanking should NOT be the first alternative to every situation. No, spanking should not be used at all times. No, spanking until bruising or marking is not okay. However, spanking as a deterrent for future behavior is fine. Spanking for her yelling “NO” at you is absolutely appropriate. She needs to know that the world does not revolve around Emma Kelly. (Even though, in all actuality, as it is with my baby, it probably does right now!!) The world will not be soft with her and play into what SHE wants. Her bosses will not cower to her proverbial “NOs” – they’ll fire her and move on. My parents spanked me growing up. However, my mom would always send me to my room, give me a few minutes to think about why I was getting the spanking, come in a few minutes later and spank me. (no, not a couple of swats, a real spanking) Then, she’d give me a chance to calm down, come back in my room, hug me, tell me she loved me, that it hurt her more than it hurt me, and make me tell her why I got a spanking so I would remember the next time I wanted to make that decision/choice, what happened the LAST time I did. From then on out, all she would have to say is “remember what happened the last time you did that?” I did, and I didn’t do it again. Eventually, I learned what the boundaries were and the spankings virtually ceased. YES, Emma Kelly is a beautifully normal little girl. Yes, it is normal for children to test the boundaries. What is not “normal” (and yes, I realize that’s a relative term) is for parents to allow children to SET the boundaries instead of setting them themselves. Okay, bring on the angry criticism and proponents that I’m a horrible mother. I can take it – it won’t be the last time I’m sure!! Just remember, discipline now means Emma Kelly will know that if she ever needs you, she’ll know that she has a safe, secure world waiting for her at home which has safe, secure boundaries.

  24. You CAN remove a child from any situation. As Dr. Phil says, they need to predict their consequences with ONE HUNDRED percent accuracy. If you ever back down, it becomes a game. You can leave a store, stop the car, pull over, leave a party, leave a house, love a park, leave the mall. You can LEAVE.

  25. LOL!! I am going through the same battle with my 2 year old, except he says, “Stupid Momma” and it gets under my skin sometimes! I keep telling myself that it’s just the “Terrible Two’s”

    They eventually grow out of it, but you have to be consistent with discipline, and choose your battles. Believe me, there are a lot more things she’ll do over the years that will make you way more mad than her saying “No”

    God Bless you and Emma Kelly!


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