Postcards from the Grand Canyon

August 13, 2008 at 2:54 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

So my coughing-fit date emailed me a couple of pictures from his trip to the “Grand Canyon.” Whatever. He can keep up this ruse as long as he likes. I don’t know how to do it, but I know there are people out there who can photoshop themselves into the Grand Canyon if they want to! He’s not coming back…

So my friend Christy decides if she’s in a relationship, I have to be in a relationship, too. She’s happy, so dang it, she’s going to make me happy right along with her. But the thing is, I’m really fine. Really! I’m kind of good with this dating around thing. If it starts getting serious, I can just pull back on the reins, pump the breaks, slow my roll, or do whatever else I can’t think of right now that stands for stopping things before they get too darned complicated. But none of that matters. Christy thinks I’m full of crap and just telling myself I don’t want to be in a serious relationship right now because I don’t think I’m capable of being in a successful relationship right now. She thinks I’m protecting myself by lying to myself because, let’s face it — don’t we all truly want to find our one true love? Okay, so whatever. So she brings out her guy to meet me and show him how fabulous I am so he can set me up with his single friend because — in her mind — since he happens to be single and I happen to be single, we are OBVIOUSLY meant for one another. Within five minutes her boyfriend tells me I’m too negative and that his goal in life is to see me ebullient.  I told him to pick another word for it because “ebullient” sounds like “fat” to me, and even though I know “ebullient” doesn’t mean “fat” it just SOUNDS fat. Anyway. Now I feel all bad because he thinks I’m negative, but that’s only part of who I am. Right?

I ought to just let them set me up with this guy anyway because I’m sure he could also use a trip to the “Grand Canyon.”




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  1. Oh, Kellie. You crack me up, even when I know you’re not trying to be funny. 🙂

    I’m totally there with you as far as dating – I’m just out of a 5 year relationship and as nice as it would be to find the “one” and get over everything, it’s much better to date around, enjoy life and let things happen as they happen. I know you’re in a different place since you and Freddie haven’t been together in a couple years, but I think after any major relationship, you have to give yourself time to heal and just feel good about yourself again. My new mantra is to just relax and have fun. As long as I’m happy, hopefully I’ll attract happiness and the same goes for you and EK! 🙂

  2. Oh Kelly, I was sorry to hear about your date. But you know what if you stop looking then “that” guy will come. That’s how it always happen. I went all through high school without a boyfriend and I’m like what if he is not in the same city as me. So guess what I went to Nicholls State in Thibodeaux, La and guess what. I found my husband! So it was true we lived in the same city but neva would’ve met if I didn’t go to Nicholls State. That was 6 yrs ago. We r now happily married with a 3 yr. old. I do believe that there is someone for everyone. So take a trip and stop lookin! Good Luck….

  3. Kellie if he thought enough to send you pictures from his trip, then he is probably still interested in you! Don’t be negative about this one yet 🙂

  4. Hi Kellie ~ I’d like to thank you for your blog. I’ve been living in Ireland for a year and a half now, and before that I was teaching in Korea for a year, so I haven’t been able to listen to you on the radio for quite some time. But I have survived by reading your blog and living in Texas vacariously through you. This is my first comment, so I hope you find it helpful:
    It’s not fair for Christy to pressure you into dating when you aren’t ready. The toughest part of dating are the games that are played in the beginning – and most of these games we create in our own heads – for example the “grand canyon.” He might very well be there, but you have decided that he’s pretending or lying to you (playing a game), so you will not believe the photos or emails unless you fly there yourself and see him there. And it isn’t bad or wrong to think this way, you just do because of the way you have been treated in the past. And because of your past experience, when you start dating someone either you pretend to be someone you’re not or they pretend to be someone they’re not, and the relationship cannot continue or progress because neither of you can be honest with each other or believe that the other person is being honest with you.
    I used to hate that famous saying, “the right person will come to you when you are not looking for him or her,” because it makes you want to pretend you aren’t looking for someone so that maybe that someone will come. But I’ve finally understood what it means – when you stop pretending to be someone else, you will be happy enough that finding someone will just be an added bonus. Because when you are looking for a relationship, you are trying to be someone else and you are unhappy because you wish you weren’t yourself. I would always try to be the person I thought “Mr. Right” wanted me to be – the fun, exciting, party-type who was super skinny and loved sports, beer, and sex. But until I realized who I was – the sometimes fun but mostly cranky and negative, average-sized, honest, quiet, extremely meticulous woman who likes sports and going to bed at 9 o’clock six nights a week – was I able to find someone who liked me for me. I became more open about what I wanted and what I liked rather than what he wanted and what he liked, and if it didn’t work, it didn’t work – I quit trying to change to make it work.
    I know that reading my comment will not bring you the man of your dreams; I just hope that it is, in some small way, a little helpful because even though you haven’t been reading about my life for the past two years, I have been reading your blog and would like to provide some friendly advice if I can.

  5. I have a friend just like your’s that feels that the only way you can be truly happy is to be with a man. But I’m with you, I ended a 12 year marriage about the same time you did and had a baby not too long before you and am loving the single life. I am complete within myself and can really enjoy the company when dating but don’t NEED it. I never dated before, having met my ex the first few months of college and am enjoying the experience. Have fun with it!!

  6. HaHa!!! You are always funny, my dear, but you outdid yourself on that one. That should be in the bloggers top ten. And the word does mean “overflowing with excitement or joy”. Really does any woman want to be overflowing with ANYthing…with the possible exception of money, men, and/or shoes? Good luck with the “Grand Canyon” guy.

  7. Kellie – why haven’t you written a book on dating and relationships? Your blogs are so funny and your ability to explain your situation is so entertaiing, I know there’s a book in there somewhere.

  8. Kellie,

    This guy you dated sounds like this is something he does often. I haven’t seen the pictures, but if he’s that “good” of a liar that he can photoshop himself into any picture to keep up a front — that’s gotta tell ya he’s a no go.

    Good for you for seeing right through that! You deserve only the best!

  9. Kellie ,are you sure you are not my long lost sister ?

  10. […] Postcards from the Grand Canyon So my coughing-fit date emailed me a couple of pictures from his trip to the “Grand Canyon.” Whatever. He […] […]

  11. None of my setup dates ever worked. I had a friend set me up on a date so bad merely because she had a single male friend who was a Christian. And I am one too, so it was totally meant to be.
    We were really different. It was awful and it set me back another six months.

    Anyhow, I truly believe it will happen when you are ready. And if that’s a long time from now, who really cares? You have your daughter, and your career, and lots of friends. That’s a lot more than most people have in their life.

    PS. This is a really bad time to tell you I got proposed to at the Grand Canyon, right?

  12. I think one of your guy friends might be a better matchmaker than a female friend. I heard it explained like this, and it makes sense:

    A female friend, like your Christy, is more likely to set you up with someone, ANYONE, simply because they want you coupled-up.

    A male friend is more likely to have an objective sense of, ‘hey, these two would really get along.’

    Well, I have never been set up by a guy friend – only female friends – all of the setups were duds!!

    One of them was even a convicted arsonist – he was nutso. I never actually went out with him but my EX-friend gave him my number without my permission. Fortunately, he took a hint AND took a hike!

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