OOps.

August 6, 2008 at 2:33 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 51 Comments

Not really t4echnically sober. Neighbors took pity upon me and dinvited me over for supper and I shared a bottle — or two — of wine with them and now I’ve had my Dimetapp and it’s aaaaaalllll gooood….

But I promised I would write about what I was mad about, so that’s what I’m going to do. But I’m going to backspace and catch as many typos as I can, exhausting as this has already become!!!!!

Okay. So here’s what I’m mad about — and by the way, that guy that was supposed to call me Sunday to finalize plans for our date Thursday night still hasn’t called at it is now 9:18pm on Tuesday. What do you think? Do you think he just assumes it’s a done deal about Thursday and there’s no rush to call? Is he completely blowing me off? What’s up with that? I swear to you, he’s the nicest guy EVER. He’s got to be super busy, right?

Anyway.

Here’s what ticked me off the other day, but it took me a couple days after to get brought up to a full boil. So! I’m at that radio DJ boot camp (MAN!! Backspacing is KILLING ME!!!) So I’m at radio DJ boot camp and this guy I JUST MET a day before comes up and asks me my story about how I handled the breaking up of my marriage on the radio and being a single mom and blah blah blah. I told him the basics and how I thought NOBODY would want to date someone my age with a brand new baby and I just knew I was going to face life all alone, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised and have actually dated more post-divorce than I ever did before I got married. He asked me, “Well, haven’t you heard Dr. So-And-So’s opinion that single moms should never date until their children are 18? How is this going to affect your daughter?”

So suddenly, I’m on the defensive because he’s calling me a bad mother to my face. And I’m caught so off guard that I sort of stumble through some sort of explanation that probably sounded like a borderline apology and then he said, “Well, I admire you for being a strong woman” and the dude just walked away.

I stewed on that for a couple of days before I had this revelation:  If a mother — married or not — spends 100% of her time devoted to raising her children, that’s a destructive thing. Can you imagine a husband putting up with ALWAYS coming in second because the kids are the only thing his wife can focus her time and energy on? I know there are extremes on both sides and there are single moms out there who are out partying every single night of the week and their kids are lucky if they get to spend 15 minutes with her at breakfast. But can’t there be a happy balance where the kids are getting the best of their mom while she’s still being fulfilled as a woman — and not just a mom — a night or two out of the week?

I know I can’t be out every night, but come on! You SERIOUSLY expect single moms to put their entire lives on hold until their kids are 18 and off to college? Seriously??

And I have now successfully typed my blog on chardonnay and Dimetapp and I am now going to bed to have pleasant dreams.

XO
Kellie

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51 Comments »

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  1. I think that you following your search for Mr. Right is a good lesson for EK to learn. Eventually, she’ll be old enough to date and search for her own Mr. Right. If you do find your Mr. Right, that will only enhance her life b/c it makes you happy. Although, you are a great mom with or without Mr. Right.

  2. Kellie,

    Don’t be surprised if that guy doesn’t call you until Thursday afternoon. Guys just don’t think like us. I used to get worked up about that kind of stuff. If it were me, I would tell myself if I haven’t heard from him by 3:00 PM on Thursday, then I’ll tell him I made plans because I never heard back from him–or if he calls after 3:00 PM and I am not pissed off I would go out with him! Trust me, most guys are not good about firming up plans on a timely basis. Good luck! P.S. where is a new video of Emma Kelly that you have been promising all of us??

  3. you are so right. I am glad you can see thru that idiot’s frame of mind!

  4. What a moronic jerk on so many levels. I am actually a fan of the Dr. that gave that advice, and while I think it is extreme and unrealalistic, it came after years of talking to women who would call in on their 2nd or 3rd marriage, or were about to move in with “the love of their life” after 2 months and they both had kids. There are way too many women who jump from relationship to relationship thinking it’s going to be “the one” and dragging their kid(s) along with them, but then it doesn’t and the kid feels abandoned – again. This obviously doesn’t apply to you, but I would have been just as furious and equally at a loss for words. Have faith that you are an incredible mom and don’t give that tool a second thought.

  5. I think it is comical the way your views have changed over the years. My son is now 18 years and just graduated HS. I recall listening to the morning show years ago when he was in elementary school. Seemed your opinion of the day back then was that people should “think” before they have children and once they have children, their pupose in life was to attend to the kiddos. Lots of negative talk back then about single parents and mixed up priorities. I often felt judged by your comments. I am fascinated by your change of opinion. I was also married when my son was born, but sometimes things just don’t work out. And life must go on…for everyone involved. I FIRMLY believe that in order to be the best mom we can be, we must have balance in our lives and cultivate all of the areas of womanhood and adult hood. I am so sorry that you had to learn the lesson in the way that you did. Divorce is never easy, especially when children are involved. A single mom’s tendancy (at least mine) was to be a little over-indulgent…to make up for the “broken home” that we feel so guilty about (even if the breakup wasn’t due to any fault of our own). I was a little over-indulgent…and that doesn’t wear so well when our precious babies become teenagers. Just something to keep in mind. I wish you the best in your pursuit of happiness…and absolutely – a woman can be a great mom and date and work…it’s tiring as all get-out…and we will wish for more sleep…but it is SOOO worth it. Thanks for your hard work every day to make the days start better for the rest of us.

  6. Well, I’m a single mom, too, so I’ve heard all the theories about what ‘we’ should and shouldn’t do. However, I think that this one has a bit of merit. I also happen to listen to Dr. So-and-So’s show (on purpose). Here’s the way I look at it: my child has just this one childhood. It’s my job to make it the best one possible. How can I do that if I’m always worring and stressed out about whether or note some guy likes me? Will call when he says? What if he thinks I’m too fat/old/fill-in-the-blank? I think that she’s already down one parent–and yes, by not having Daddy in the house, she is down one parent–why would I not give her 100% of me? I have the rest of my life to do what pleases me; she just gets this one shot at a great childhood. Just my two cents and no judgement on you, Kellie.

  7. It is a tough situation. It’s all a matter of finding the balance of giving our children the best of us, not just the leftovers. . of finding happiness regardless of our relationship status. . .but most importantly – when actively dating as a single mom, keeping those men out of our child’s life until it is a committed relationship. The greatest harm only comes from a stream of men/women in and out of a child’s life because it becomes too confusing. And ultimately – You are her mom and You will know what is best for the two of you regardless of what others may say. . even so called “doctors and therapists”.

  8. While I don’t agree that single mothers shouldn’t date until their children are 18, I do believe that the people that actually come into contact and meet the kids should be very limited. Just because you are dating someone, doesn’t mean that they should always meet the kids. That can be very destructive to a child. New dates/boyfriends, in my opinion, should only meet the kids if you’ve been in a long term relationship with that person, and long term is not a month.

  9. ohhhh…. I HAD that experience too! I was a single mom and on a singles’ trip and for once in 3 years someone showed interest in me and this girl next to me leans up to a guy in front of me (and the person with his arm around me) and says, “Don’t you think it is pitiful when a mom starts dating and has children?!”

    I could have smacked her, but I didn’t… and she is still childless and single after 2 more years while I am married to that guy who put his arm around me…

  10. Not date for 18 years?????? Are you kidding me???
    That is the stupidest thing I ever heard….and of course it came out of the mouth of a man. Easy for him to say a single Mom should stay single and alone until her child/children are grown, but what about single Dads….does this rule apply to them as well??? I think you are a great Mom Kelly, and Emma Kelly looks like she is getting all the love and attention she can stand if her photos are any indication. When might we see some new ones??? And what about that video?
    Hang on to your dreams and do not let the words of a moron put you off your path to happiness.

  11. Aw Kellie, this dude questioning your dating life is, undoubtedly, not aware that YOU are actually “The Love Expert.”

    And anyway, was he speaking of just mothers not dating and not fathers? That right there is WRONG. I have a hard time believing a man would not seek the company of a woman after becoming single “for the good of the child.”

  12. I think that guy doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. I’ve known people who weren’t going to date until their child was out of the house and they were miserable. As mothers, we have to take care of ourselves and be happy or how can we teach our daughters to be that way? If you find a good man to love, you are showing your daughter how to be in a loving relationship. He did say one thing right, you are a strong woman and your also an amazing mom.

  13. My parents divorced when I was nine and they each started dating differently. You are lucky that your daughter is young and doesn’t understand what is going on. My mom only dated for four months before she remarried without telling us. My dad ended up marrying his mistress after they dated for three years. Even though I had a new family I never felt that my mom or dad were not involved heavily in my life. It is possible for your children and a relationship to share importance in your life. Now I am going to college and I am glad that I have such a large support behind me!!

  14. Kellie I think that guy is a complete idiot my mom was a single mom for a little over 9 years raising myself and my two other siblings and she did not put her life on hold but she also didnt leave us w/ anyone who would take us. She would go out probably one maybe two nights a week and I am glad she made that desision. Because if she never had done done that she would have never met the man that I call my father and he completley changed our lives! I think if you didnt go out and meet people you would be sending a confused message to emma kellie… she needs to know that just because you are a mother does not mean that your life is over. If you send that message to her does that make her look forward to being a mommy one day?? I think you are doing a great job and are setting a wonderful example to all single moms that it can be done even if you have a demanding schedule!

  15. I would like to leave my thoughts as a child of a single parent home. I am now 25 and my sisters are 17 and 18. My mama has not dated in 16 years, since our dad died. She grieved for several years, but in the last 10 years or so, she has expressed interest in dating but refused to do so because “she had children to raise.” While it was nice to have her around, she has found it very comforting to make her life about us. Now that I have been out of the house for a while and my youngest sister is getting ready to graduate, she is finding that she has no idea how to live her life without it being about us. I wish that she had dated while we were growing up. Not only is she struggling to find herself all over again, but knowing that your life is what drives your mama’s life is a lot of pressure on the child.

    All that being said, I think there is a healthy way to date. I had friends with single parents who were partiers and then there was my mama. There is a balance! I will also say that had my mama dated, I would not have had the desire to meet every man, just as I don’t introduce every guy I go on a date with to her. If she met someone that she developed a relationship with and thought would be around for a while, then of course I would love to meet him.

    This is just my opinion and is not meant to be a judgement of anyone.

  16. Most men really ARE morons. You are a single mother, not a nun.

  17. I am a “Mormon,” and as many know, family is VERY important to my religion. So some might think that I would agree with this Dr. So-and-So, but I absolutely don’t! If we’re going to say that a single mom shouldn’t go out and date and develop herself as a person–not just as a mom, the same thing would have to apply to married moms. It is SO important for married moms and dads to go out as a couple to keep their relationship healthy. I’ve just started this stay-at-home mom thing, and I now understand just how important it is for me to go out and do things without my boy–for my sanity. To be good moms, we MUST keep balance in our lives–whether we’re married or single. A mom who devotes her entire life to her children without going out and doing anything for herself will not be as emotionally healthy.

  18. Kellie,
    I want you to know that I was a single mom for almost 4 years and I met a man on-line in the yahoo personals who loved the fact that I was a single mom. He fell in love with my son almost as soon as he fell in love with me. We have been married for 8 years and have a daughter together and my 13 year old son loves him more than his own father.

  19. Kelly, I am 37 and a single mom of 3 children. I waited and put my life on hold for them for 6 years after my divorce. I suffered. I have recently met that “Mr. Right” after deciding that I needed a life outside of homework, sports and bathtime. I needed to get out there and be a woman again, not just a mom. I realized that my children were suffering also. I am happier and my kids are also. (If mom is happy, everyone’s happy). Keep doing what your doing…your an awesome mom!!!

  20. Dear Kelly
    I am a mother of three, 35 years old and work about 70 hours a week. I have dated in the past and I don’t think there is anything wrong with going out. I call going out my adult time (its more like mom needs a drink time!). I do believe in one thing though and that is I don’t bring men around my girls. First reason being is I have 2 grown young ladies and you hear the most awful things that can happen. Second I just haven’t gotten that serious about anyone yet. Third I have to set the example for responsible dating. My girls are old enough to know that I go out, but we just don’t discuss it. My oldest does wish that I would meet someone but I’m okay with my single life. I try just to go out when they’re with their dad. One more thing, there are 3 rules about my time that I live by: 1st is my girls are my number 1 priority, 2nd are my jobs because I support my girls and myself, 3rd I take care of my needs because if I not healthy or sane I could lose 1 and 2. Good luck with the dating!!

  21. A) By not dating and pursuing adult relationships until their child is 18 would force codependence and would also set a bad example.

    2) Why would someone think that it is comical for a person’s perspective to change as they gain more life experience? I don’t get that. I definitely have a different perspective and opinions than I did 15 years ago. If a person doesn’t that just means that they are developmentally stunted.

  22. the amount of time spent with the children versus focusing on your social life is not the real issue. the real issue is whether you are giving your child’s best interest priority over your dating life. as long as you are putting the child first and the child knows that, the child is not going to be harmed by mom spending some time on her own social life. i am a 26 year old woman and when i was growing up, it was painfully obvious that my mom put her boyfriends/husbands in front of me. her rationale was always that we were going to grow up and move away so she had to spend her time focused on finding a man who would stay with her for life. yeah, ouch. now she’s on her 3rd or 4th husband and doesn’t have a real relationship with any of us kids. i can’t tell you how huge of a negative impact it has on a kid’s life to know that mom values boyfriends or current husbands over you. single moms should absolutely get out there and date, just be sure to never make that a bigger priority than your kids, or they will know and it will hurt for life. trust me.

  23. My parents divorced when I was 7. My mom NEVER dated anyone and I was her WHOLE life. My dad on the other hand remarried and lived a happy life until he passed away 5 years after the divorce.

    Here’s my take – my dad and step mom were blissfully happy in my dad’s final years. My mom struggled as a single mom to do it on her own and is STILL single and alone. She’s not upset that she isn’t dating – but I sure wish she had a partner in life to take some of the pressure off me! Long story short – you aren’t doing EK any favors by staying alone. Date smart, take introducing Emma Kelly to them seriously and you will be FINE!

    You are a great mom – don’t worry!

  24. My parents got divorced and my mom got married shortly after when I was 18months old. Sure I may not remember any of that now. My step father is a great guy and I consider him my real father (even though I still see my real dad… he is just now starting to be a dad to me because my parents were young when they had me and he wasn’t ready to grow up) But when my mom passed away my junior yr of highschool my step dad remarried. I still lived with him and he valued my opinion. If you ask his wife, she was terrified to meet me because she just wanted me to like her. Which I do, I love her very much. She is not trying to replace my mom, infact she knew my mom for several yrs. Its always hard when children are involved. But like you said this morning on air, you shouldn’t introduce kids and significant others until you are sure that this will be a long term relationship. Most children just want to see their parents happy. I know I do.

  25. Kellie, I have listened to Dr. So-and-So over the years and one of her opinions I am most against is her opinion on the subject of single parents dating. I am only going to echo what so many other posters have said, but I’ll say it anyway. The best thing you can do for your daughter is show her that you have a life outside of her and that relationships can work out and be happy. What would happen to her if she grew up never seeing her parental figures in healthy, happy relationships? She might never know how to be in a relationship herself.

    My parents divorced when I was five. Both were remarried within three years. People used to ask me, even when I was a kid, if I wished my parents were still together or that they hadn’t gotten remarried. I have never once felt the answer to be yes. I am so grateful to have seen my parents in good marriages. And I have four brothers who I wouldn’t have had otherwise. And I have four parents who love me.

    The moron who made that comment to you is a jaded idiot. From what I can tell, you are a great mom and would never do anything to hurt your child. Keep doing what you’re doing. I promise Emma Kelly will be better for it.

  26. […] happened at DJ School that Kellie hasn’t been able to let go of – and she wrote about it in her blog – this guy basically called her a bad mom because instead of focusing 150% of her energies into […]

  27. I was a single Mommy for 10 years. If I had not ever dated until my DS was grown (He’s 15) I would have missed out on meeting my wonderful husband. We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary soon, and meeting him was such a blessing for me, as well as for my son. Keep doing what you are doing…I think you are doing fine. =)

  28. Live your life how you want to live it, others will always judge. But you are the only person who knows what is right for you and your child.

    “I would rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not”

  29. Okay, who is that man to quote Dr. so and so to you about what a MOTHER should do anyway? What does Dr. so and so say about single dads and did this guy ask if Freddy is dating too? The nerve of him to tell you how to parent.

  30. I just wanted to put in my two cents worth. I have been a single mom for the past ten years and I wouldn’t change things for the world. I have three daughters. Ages 17, 15 & 14. I feel that if you wait until your kids are grown to date you would end up being more frustrated then ever. A woman has needs. I continue to date even though my family also feels I should have waited until the kids were grown and gone. But that is not life nor is it reality. Children are alot smarter than most people give them credit for. You can still enstow great values in a child wether you are a single dating mom or a single NON-dating mom. It’s all about you and how you raise your child. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are a bad mother. No one knows your child better than you and no one can raise them any better.

  31. I don’t like that a complete stranger judged you, that was out of bounds. You can have a happy family life raising your daughter and still be fulfilled as a woman. I don’t agree with holding out until your child is 18, my mother started dating after her divorce from my stupid dad when I was in my early teens. She met my now step-father when I was 14 or 15 and they started dating and she’s happy. She was still able to raise me, work and have that balance of a social life. They have been together about 23 years, not bad for her and she is 12 years older than my stepfather! I think I turned out ok, I’m not crazy, selfish or needy, I can stand on my own two feet! You do the best you can with what your given and just go from there! You have been doing great with your daughter Emma Kelly and just let that guy’s comments role down your back!

  32. I’m gonna give my own opinion as a child from divorced parents. My mom has made her life JUST about us, everything she does is about us, and this puts a lot of pressure on my sister and I. we feel that because she’s dedicating all this to us then we should be perfect at everything we do in order to not disappoint her. Now, a few years ago my mom decided she wanted to date. Now, i’m 22 years old now, i was about 18 when this happened, and boy let me tell you. While i want my mom to find somebody, it was still kinda tough on my sister and I. And only because she had always dedicated every second of her life towards us, and then now all of the sudden she wasn’t. She was just giving us what she should’ve been from the very begining. Your kids will always know they are loved when you show them that you do. You shouldn’t make your life JUST about your kids because there will come a time when your kids will make a life for themselves and you will be left alone. Everyone has got to have someone to grow old with. And if you show EK that she means the world to you, BUT you also care for yourself then she will grow up knowing that she should be taking care of herself first. and then the rest of the world. cause when you care for yourself first, its easier and more pleasant to take care of others. and its easier for people to love you.

    i think i just rambled on, i don’t really think it all makes sense, but oh well.

  33. Hey Kellie! I’m just going to offer experience, strength, and hope…first of all that man is ignorant and must not be a father and that doctor is an idiot. I’m 40 years old and right after I became single “several” years ago…I did all the wrong things the first three years. It is hard to admit that but true. Then I spent the last 5 years of my life not dating so that I could dedicate my time to my two teenage girls…although that is how I had to do it, it is defintely not what is for everyone. You are doing a great job with a wonderful sense of balance between being single and a mom. Anyway, I decided to begin dating again last year, mainly because my girls were begging me too…like i have read in so many other post…they don’t want to be “your” only life. I never thought I would find that right guy…I made a list of all my requirements and prayed over it for a long time. I am now marrying the most perfect man in the world in October (sorry Dianthe I do believe “I” have the perfect man…lol! jk). Go with what you feel is right in your gut…God gave us that instinct for a reason. Have fun with this time and enjoy being a mom AND a woman!!! And it’s been very nice to read all of the wisdom the other ladies have given…Lots of Love…Maggz

  34. The nerve of that so called man!!!! I bet if he was a single dad he would be out dating. I became a single mom when my son was only 9 months old. I went out from time to time and dated a couple of men. I don’t see any harm in that what so ever! My son is almost 5 and he is perfectly fine!!!! You are doing an awesome job raising your daughter. So to who ever you are that said that to her F off!!!!!!!

  35. Wow, I enjoyed reading everyones responses. I am too a single mom of three teenage boys. I have been divorced for almost 5 years and some say I have devoted the majority of my time to my boys. I have dated more in the beginning than I do now. I have yet to find “that Mr. Right”. I was also from a divorced family and my dad remarried about 2 years after the divorce and is very happy today with his new wife of 23 years. My mom did not remarry until my brothers and I were raised. It put allot of pressure on me to keep her happy. I try not to make my sons feel that way, but from some of the comments I wonder if I am not doing that too. Their father remarried his mistress and it seems like they are content. Although, he does not participate in my sons lives. When you figure out the right answer please post it; I am sure I get judged in the opposite way you have been. Just stay true to you and don’t worry about what others think. We all are just doing our best. Gina

  36. I do not blame you for being angry. That comment of course came from a man number one! I completely agree with you. When parents are married they are encouraged to set up planned weekly, monthly date nights to ensure they have enough quality alone time. They need the peace and escape. But as a single mother, the same doesn’t hold true?!??!? Whatever! You are right we need our sanity in order to maintain a healthy balance. You are not doing anything wrong. You have gone above an beyond. Keep up the good work and thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your life with us. You don’t have to have to open yourself up to the scrutiny yet you do it with grace and kindness. Thank you!

  37. […] OOps. Not really t4echnically sober. Neighbors took pity upon me and dinvited me over for supper and I shared a bottle […] […]

  38. Hey Kellie. I am not going to criticize you as a mother for this, not at all, because I’m not in your position so how can I know what I would do?

    But this is interesting for me, because my Mom and always used to say the same thing this guy did. She said that if anything ever happened to my Dad, there was no way she would ever let another man into our home with four kids.

    I think her reasoning came from the fact that we as a society are always hearing–whether on the news or shows like Law and Order–about how the new husband or boyfriend abuses the stepkids, whether physically or sexually. Obviously, this is not the majority of cases, but the risk is there nonetheless.

    She thought her own satisfaction as a woman would be worth sacrificing to make sure we were safe.

    So I guess my point here is just to maybe show a different angle from which this guy was coming from. He had no right to say it, but maybe he was saying it because he thought it would help you or your daughter.

    I don’t know. Just something to think about.

  39. Haha!
    I’d bet everything that “Dr. So-and-So” has NEVER been in the position that they are making their judgments on.
    I’d also bet that the guy was a total loser.. A real man would know better than to say that! I have no idea what he was going for when he made that statement, but I hope he happens upon your blog, reads all these comments, and feels (appropriately) like CRAP.
    =)

  40. Kelly…I can so relate to your situation. I’m 41 with a 5 year-old daughter that I had completly on my own. I, too, thought no one would want to date someone my age with a small child. However, I have been pleasantly suprised..and have had some really nice dates.

    I agree there must be a balance…and the key, in my opinion, is in making good choices in terms of who we date. You can tell very quickly if a person has the value system and character required to put the well being of a child first and who will love a woman even more for being the mother she needs to be.

    Rock on 🙂

  41. We all know that Dr. Laura was the one that said the stupid crap about single moms not dating. consider the source—-she is an idiot.

  42. Ummmmm sure, make your kids your WHOLE entire life…they grow up….go away, get married, etc, etc…Then where are you? Is your kid gonna devote their whole entire life to YOU? Naw….I think not. Yes your kids and family should always have priority….But it’s easy for those that are married or have partners to judge single moms…Single moms need companionship, friendship, love, etc just like any warm blooded woman…But…There’s always those that LOOOOVE to Judge

  43. Wow…I’ve never commented but this time I had to!
    I was a single mother for a LONG time up until 3 years ago when I married a great man. My children are now 19 and 16. Like you I am a Christian woman. Also like you because I was single my children came first. I did not club hop, go out drinking nightly, hang out with friends all the time or any other activities my non child bearing friends were able to do…who had time? That’s not to say I didn’t I just did it wisely. I dated but I never never never introduced them to my children…what for? No need while I was getting to know them and it takes awhile to determine if this person is marriage material. If he isn’t, no need to have him in your house around your child. If he is, he still has to prove himself and for me that took awhile. My husband did not meet my children for 2 years while we were dating. I had to get to know everything I could possibly know about him before he could get the priveledge to meet my children. How he treated his family, how he interacted with his friends, was he reliable, trustworthy, would he keep a job, was he determined, did he have a criminal background…anything that would alert me to something wierd. After we began talks about marriage I thought it was time to introduce him to my kids…they should have a say in the situation too. Because they had not seen men coming and going they knew this was something different. After the introduction it was still another year before we married because now he had to prove himself to my kids. My stance is…you want me? I come with children and all that entails. Picking kids up from activities, going to their games, plays, hanging out…could he handle it? All the while I’m constantly checking in with my kids…were they comfortable with him, did they feel relaxed around him, was he ever inappropriate? Which brings me to this point…my children were older when I brought a man home to them…for my own piece of mind I needed for them to be old enough to tell me if something was wrong. Yes I know molestation still happens even when they are older but I would never have been able to forgive myself if I brought a man home to my baby who could not tell me. Even now I ask my daughter from time to time…hell mothers who have children by biological fathers should ask from time to time! So I say all of this to say…DATE!!! Enjoy being a woman!! Have fun!! All the while protecting your baby’s mind and body! I truly believe your prince charming is coming maybe not right now but until then have a good time looking for him!!

  44. I hope you actually read these, because I really want you to hear this. There is a part of me that understands where the guy was coming from, but only if Emma Kelly was 14 or something. I think that the age of the children makes a huge difference. My husband’s first wife left him, when she found what she perceived to be greener grass. They had a four-year old little girl, Emma.

    While staying focused on being a great Dad, he lulled in his pity party for a while, but then he went on a date. Granted, it didn’t work out, and Emma never knew, but still… He was getting back out there, doing something for him and getting out of that rut (that certainly put a downer on his little angel too).

    Regardless, around the time the divorce was final, he and I were introduced. (My weeks were spent in law school four hours away, but I was in town on the weekends). A week or two later, I met Emma and fell head over heels. Part of the reason I fell so hard for her Dad was because of the Daddy that he is to her. Watching him fix ponytails, play, hug, and just be a Daddy left me awestruck.

    Three months later, I graduated and we got married. I consider our family life to be almost perfect. We have her 50% of the time, and when the two of them are there, my life is complete.

    I suppose that it could still just be him and his daughter, hanging out, being Daddy/Daughter, but now we are a whole family. It could’ve never happened if he’d waited until she was 18. Instead, she is getting the benefit of a male and female in her home, both of whom adore her to the ends of the earth. Since her Mom and Dad divorced, the amount of people in her life who love her, give to her, dote her her, etc. has doubled, and I don’t think that there’s any damage there.

    She barely remembers when her Mom and Dad were married, and Emma Kelly certainly won’t, so don’t beat yourself up.

    Do things for you, and let her see that. She doesn’t need to grow up, thinking that being a Mommy means only getting to have “kid fun.” It’d be more amazing for her to see that you have babies, have fun, do for your babies, do for you, etc. She’ll go up much more balanced, and she’ll love you for it too!

  45. When my first child was born, my dad gave me the best parenting advice I’ve ever heard. He advised me to NOT allow my child to constantly see me put myself last. He said “don’t always take the broken cookie so she can have the best one because then you are teaching her that you don’t count for anything.” I made it a point to do things for myself (like attending college while they were in elementary school) so that they knew I was strong, independent and fulfilled as a person. She’s nearly 20 now and an amazing girl, strong and independent. She likes that I’ve let her grow up to be her own person and that I am ready to let her be an adult!

  46. You just do your thing Kelly and everything will work out great. My brother was married for sometime then divorced…no kids. He’s 31..32…I think. He wishes everyday he had kids but is glad they weren’t around for the divorce. He’s single and doesn’t care if the girl he is dating has kids but agrees that just because they are dating doesn’t mean the kids and date HAVE to met. That can wait until it gets more serious.

  47. I actually SOMEWHAT agree. I am married with two kids and I make them my 100% priority. They deserve a happy life to grow up in and if that means my husband and I have to put somethings on the back burner for a few years than so be it. However occasional dating (in my non professional opinion) is okay but the constant going out with your child being left with a babysitter is completely selfish. And which will you remember more: Going out on a date with a lame jerk or watching your child learn something new? They grow up so fast.

  48. And btw I’m not saying Kelly goes out nightly… Just saying I hate to hear about single mother’s or father’s going out a lot.

  49. If you put all your energy in your child and constantly put yourself last, you will not know how to live when you child grows up and leaves home. Make smart careful choices about the men you date. Only introduce her to them when there is something lasting there.

    However, waiting until she is 18 is absurd!

    My parents put all of their energy raising me and my sister, and when we left home, they didn’t have anything to talk about and divorced a year later.

    Be a person. Let Emma Kelly see a strong mom. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for sometimes. She will be happier with a happy mom.

  50. wow, men still manage to amaze me. Im fortunate that I have been married to my Mr Right for 23 years,. we have 3 children all over the age of 19. I have devoted my life to my kids, but never ignored him, but now Im to the point where its just going to be he and I and Im scared. who am I if Im not someones mother. I look forward to our time as we grow old. we are both only 42 and still have a long time to go, God willing. when its time he will come to you. And i love the video of EK, she is so delicious. i love the chubby thighs. Take care,. and enjoy YOUR life its the only one you get. I remember something my friend told me in school. “men are like buses, ride one for as long as the ride is fun, and then get off and wait. One will be along in 15 minutes.

  51. Leave it to a MAN to tell you that, Kellie. We women are damned if we do, and damn-well damned if we don’t!

    If you’re our age and never-married like me, your eccentric, a spinster, a FREAK. If you are happily married with no kids, well, when are the kids coming?

    If you have kids and work, you are selfish. If you have kids and stay at home, you are smothering the kids. You are relegated to the sterotype of soccer mom. Why do people say that like it’s a bad thing to be supportive and be involved in your children’s activities.

    We can’t win!

    If you are dating more than ever now, that is fantastic! You could meet the perfect guy and with Emma Kellybeing so young, it’s not like it’s going to disrupt her world.

    You are Emma Kelly’s (hope I spelled it right) world right now. The happier you can make yourself, the happier she will be.

    Forget this guy! I think maybe because you are on the radio, people feel they know you. They want to give you advice – like me…hee…:) and project all of their personal crap onto you.

    That is exactly what this is. Just live your life. You are FANTASTIC and Emma Kelly is blessed to have you! -Lucy


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