delicious word of the day — “superfluous”

March 25, 2008 at 2:02 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 44 Comments

When I got home from my first day back at work today, Emma Kelly had just gone down for her nap. I seized the opportunity and climbed underneath the sheets of my unmade bed to close my eyes for a  while, too. Two hours later — yea! — she woke up in a great mood.  We played for a little while and she had her snack time, and then we bundled up and headed out the door to the grocery store — or as Emma Kelly sees it, her personal performance stage.

She puts on such a show. She smiles and waves and says “Hi!” to everybody who catches  her eye. But I don’t get some people. Here you’ve got about the cutest thing you’ve seen all day trying to get your attention and chirping “Hi!” at you, and would you believe that some people actually blow her off? They completely ignore her preciousness. Is life really that bad for some people? REALLY? 

So we get home and I’m putting away groceries and Emma Kelly’s wearing these new shoes with rubber soles that apparently are giving her a bit of difficulty because she leaves the kitchen and rounds the corner into the living room and BAM!!! She smashes face-first into the ceramic tile flooring, blood trickling from both nostrils. My poor baby! I came running from the kitchen and Nanny Laura came running from the hallway, and do you know what? Emma Kelly didn’t want me. My heart just sank to my stomach. I’m dabbing blood from her nose and she’s clinging to Laura, who must’ve sensed my aching need to comfort my daughter because she offered to let me hold her, but I was like, if Emma Kelly is getting her comfort from someone or something else, then I just need to do what helps her get through the trauma of this moment. Still didn’t stop my feelings from getting a little hurt. What mommy doesn’t want her kid to reach up for her when something’s wrong? And what kind of mommy am I that my baby doesn’t want me to make her feel better……..Very depressing.  I was so upset I polished off a heap of Chinese leftovers and now there’s a slab of poundcake still waiting with my name on it.

XO
Kellie

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  1. Kellie, please know that she knows you are her Mother. I have been a working Mom all my life and had those very same moments. Being a working Mom is fulfilling and then heartbreaking in so many ways. I think being a Mom no matter what, bring the same feelings because I have sisters that don’t work and are there all the time and still end up with a WTH?!?!? I’m here all of the time and why are you going to someone else for comfort?? feeling. You are doing great and you’re a great Mother.

  2. Hey Kellie! I know that it must not feel great to have your child ‘prefer’ someone else during their time of need, but i’ve seen the video and pictures of you with her (and read your blog religiously). there is no doubt that your daughter adores you and even more obvious is your love for her. Maybe just pretend that she was trying to be polite and not bleed on you!

  3. Kellie, I’ve always defended you when other people attacked you for saying this or that, but I do take issue with the whole, `is their life really that bad?’ view just because someone didn’t say `hi’ back to your 17-month-old daughter. Maybe the person is just having a bad day or they’re pre-occupied, or they simply don’t think her saying `hi’ is so cute.
    I realize that every parent thinks their kid is just the most adorable thing in the world, but not everyone else thinks that. And yes, I do have children, but I don’t take other people’s reactions to them personally.

  4. Kellie,

    I totally hear you on this one. Kids are the biggest heart breakers… And with one smile all is forgotten. Thanks for your posts,

    Cristin

  5. Kellie, I have to agree with Kathleen here. No matter how good or bad my life is at the time, I am never going to find a baby cute. Some people just aren’t baby people, and believe it or not, that’s okay.

    I just want to get through Target without having to hear kids squealing and destroying everything. Unfortunately, today’s parents aren’t really concerned with those things.

  6. Kellie, not here to give you advice…but I do want you to know that every mom has this very same thing happen to her. My daughter reached for her nana a lot when she was a baby. Her nana took care of her during the day while we worked so that was a familiar comfort for my kiddo. It hurt at the time but now it is all about mom! That time will come. All you can do is be there for her during her time of need and eventually, nanny Laura will be the one dabbing the bleeding nose while you are holding your baby. And as for Kathleen’s comment, she needs to lighten up a bit. Your comment on people needing to lighten up is 100% spot on. Enjoy life and take in the preciousness of a toddler smiling and saying hi.

    Peace out (can we still say that?!)

  7. Hi Kellie,
    Never commented before but I read your blog religiously and love listening to you on the show. You make my day. I know that must have been very hurtful to you, but try not dwell on it too much – you are a wonderful mother and we’ve all been there when our little angel babies break out hearts. They don’t mean to 🙂 Take care and continue being a great person and mom. Emma Kelly is so adorable! If she waved and said Hi to me, I’d love it! Bad day or not.

  8. Kathleen validates your comment of people needing to lighten up! A baby is a baby and finding something to smile about should perk up anyones bad day!! I hope her kids don’t learn to be that uptight! Lighten up and smile at the next baby, toddler or dog you see it can’t help but make you feel better!!

  9. Kathleen validates your comment of people needing to lighten up! A baby is a baby and finding something to smile about should perk up anyones bad day!! I hope her kids don’t learn to be that uptight! Lighten up and smile at the next baby, toddler or dog you see it can’t help but make you feel better!!

  10. Some people are just rude Kellie… Smiles are often unreciprocated but such is life. I hope EK never lose that cheerfulness. Better to have it than not.

  11. Maybe you should have considered who your child would be bonding with when you jetted off for a girls weekend in New York or a weeklong vacation in Hawaii or a week in Disney for Kidds Kids or a week in the Bahamas for the show.
    With you out of town so much and leaving Emma behind, I have to wonder how often you’re leaving her with the nanny so you can go shopping or get a manicure or get your hair done or have a ladies lunch even when you’re in town.
    I’m not surprised she’d ask for the nanny for comfort.

  12. My daughter does the same thing in the store and when someone doesn’t respond back, I just say “HI” back to her and tell her loudly enough that they can hear me, that “they just don’t want to say hi this time.” Boo Kathleen…

  13. Sometimes, I am hesitant to engage with children b/c I am not sure how the parent feels about strangers talking to their children. But, a simple “hi” seems harmless! As a new mom myself, I know if someone blew off mu kid, I would be hurt, too. Kellie, we love you!

  14. Nicki, I handle it the same way you do. However, I have a question for other parents. At what point do you need to start reigning your kid’s in a little bit from speaking to strangers as a matter of safety? I have always encouraged my little one to say “hi” etc. and be friendly but now I’m thinking is that going to make stranger danger more difficult to teach?? Just curious…Kathleen, I understand what you’re saying and certainly nobody is obligated to think our kids are as cute as we do but come on it doesn’t take much to lift your hand and wave or say hi to a little innocent child that is just happy to see everybody.

  15. Kellie, when Emma Kelly bites, try thumping her mouth with your finger (ie: like you would “flick” something off of your shirt– that’s what I mean)— and when you do it, say “don’t bite!” or “no biting”… Once you’ve done this a couple of times, when you sense she’s going to bite, hold your fingers like you’re going to thump her and tell her “no biting”

  16. Gee Kathleen, I guess your one of those grumpy people at the grocery store! You really set yourself up for any neggative feed back you get.
    Cheer up! Try smiling at someone today, even speak and say hi!

  17. Laura, I think you start teaching your kids about “stranger danger” when they are old enough to understand. A 17 month old smiling and saying hi to people while mom is pushing her in a shopping cart is no big deal. She’s just being a happy baby in my opinion. If a kid says hi to me in the store like that, I will say hi too. I think being rude to a kid is lowwwww.

  18. Kellie,

    I have 3 kids 11, 8, and 5. My 11 year old is a beautiful girl, very confident and sporty. She is also a MAJOR Daddy’s girl, they are so close and share the same passion for sports. Anyway, Saturday night she wanted make a list of her best friends. Her BFF list included her close friends even my BFF and then she wrote her #1 best friend is Dad. I was not even on the list! My heart is still a little broken. My mom and my friends have assured me as she gets older she will seek me out more for advice and tips on boys, fashion, etc. Everyone has told me this is not all that uncommon and I am sure the same is true in your situation. You handled it well. I just wanted to drop you a line and say I know how you feel.

  19. Kellie,

    Don’t feel bad. Look at it this way — be thankful that someone is taking care of your child that she wants. You are very blessed to have someone caring for your child in your absence, just as you would.

    I drop off my son at mother’s day out and he just runs to his favorite teacher and clings to her even when I’m there. It actually gives me peace of mind, knowing that he is loved and not ignored.

  20. I totally feel your pain, when my son was small and if he stayed over night at a friends house. I would think in my head that when he saw me – he would run to my arms so happy to see me, with in stead I get a crying baby boy because he didn’t want to leave and more crying in the car – because we are going home.
    It just broke my heart every time and made me think I was this awful mother that my own son didn’t want to go home with me. :o(
    It does tug at your heart, but just know and always remember – she does love you and always will.
    God Bless !!!

  21. Kathleen, I’m with ya. I am not a “baby person” and it annoys me that people act offended when I do not interact with their kids. This is especially bad at resturants. I don’t want to play with your kid that is hanging over MY side of the booth beating me with it’s napkin. You think it’s cute, but the rest of us, not so much.

  22. Kellie, regarding your comment on why people didn’t wave back at your daughter and was there something wrong with them. I have recently had an issue with smiling and waving back at young children b/c I had a miscarriage, so it might be something deeper than the fact that they don’t want to say hi, it might be very painful for them. I love kids, but right now it’s hard to look at them, I know it will get easier for me, but for the time, it’s tough.
    Just something to think about and not take personally.

  23. My daughter would cling to my mom when she was hurt. Stab me straight through the heart, you 30 lb chunk of love.

  24. My daughter is 5 and still says hi to everyone in the grocery store or where ever we are shopping. If they don’t say hi, she is quick to say HELLO even louder until they say hi back. If they don’t then she says, HELLO, I was talking to you!! It is funny!!! Kids do get their feelings hurt if you don’t say hi back!! They don’t understand if someone is having a bad day or if they are just rude. So yes, people should lighten up and say hi!!!

  25. i know how you feel…i went to a strip club the other night…Aaliyah *my FAVORITE stripper* was giving a table dance to a the FILTHIEST son of a gun you had EVER laid eyes on…i forgave her and bought two table dances.

  26. Once when I waved at a baby, the mom was like “WE DONT TALK TO STRANGERS!” and gave me the dirtiest look. Kinda made me not so friendly to random adorable babies…

  27. […] delicious word of the day — “superfluous” When I got home from my first day back at work today, Emma Kelly had just gone down for her nap. I seized the […] […]

  28. As a parent, we spend a great deal of time teaching our children to talk, smile, be happy and be kind to others.
    I have a very stressful busy business and I have a lot of bad days, but it is the little ones that come in with Mom and smile at me and say hi that makes my bad day into a better day. They are watching us and learning from our adult actions. I actually pray everyday that God sends more Moms with little ones in to bless my day.

  29. Kellie,

    I am a mom of three daughters….try not to let the situation with Emma Kelly hurt your feelings. My oldest daughter is 19, and she still hurts my feelings sometimes. I promise, Emma Kelly loves you more than you can possibly know. I know that it is so hard for you to leave her, even for a moment, but try to be happy that you are able to leave her in capable and loving hands while you are working.

  30. I am a working single mother of two. I was lucky enough that my Mom was able to babysit my two boys while I worked. One day my youngest son, who was about two at the time, fell and hurt himself. I knelt down to scoop him up and console him. He ran right passed me to my Mother. Broke my heart, but like you let him get his comfort from where he needed it at the moment. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and don’t let it get you down. You’re still her favorite person in the world!

  31. Yes, it does hurt when they want someone else, but Laura is Emma’s primary caretaker. I don’t mean to sound so negative but she is around her more than she is with you.

  32. Kellie,
    I have been on BOTH sides of this street. I have a degree in child development and worked as a preschool teacher for five years, when my babies were in daycare. It is wonderful that your baby can form healthy relationships with other people. It is more heart breaking to leave your screaming baby with someone. At least you have the peace of mind that she must be well taken care of. I leave my three year old every day to go to work and while I know he adores his teachers at preschool, hes still my baby. He knows who mommy is and Emma knows you are mommy, no matter what. She wanted the nanny because she was the first one to pick her up, she was still shaken from the fall. It had nothing to do with who she loves more. Trust me, I know.

    Andrea

  33. Kathleen,
    Kellie is not asking someone to interact with Emma, just say hi back to her. When you say hello to a person, do you expect them to say hello back or just to ignore you? Even if you aren’t a baby person, common courtesy is still a plus in today’s society.

  34. Stacie,
    Saying “hi” back IS interacting. Isn’t that obvious? The people in the store may be preoccupied or oblivious, OR they are just introverts, or don’t think babies are cute. These are all perfectly valid reasons not to talk to a random baby in a store. Also, I personally dread the possibility that just saying “hi” won’t be enough. A lot of babies take that as an invitation to keep annoying the hell out of someone long after the interaction should have ended. When I’m at the store, I’m not there to be social. I’m there to buy stuff and leave. People should teach their children not to bother strangers. BTW, I’m not an angry person or anything. I love animals. I just think most people are so impressed with their own spawn that I don’t need to add to the fan club.

  35. I have a 15 month old baby girl who does the same thing. When we are walking around a store she is perched in the buggy waving and saying hi to everyone. Most people get a kick out of it but there are some who just ignore her. It really p*sses me off for them to ignore her. If she was screaming and throwing a fit I know they would be glaring at her and making comments. Anyway I thought it was cute that Emma Kelly does the same that Kamdyn does.

  36. Keep telling yourself you are not an angry person and maybe just maybe you won’t be. Also add to that, preoccupied (with yourself), oblivious and annoying as hell.

  37. Your blog reminds me of an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” where the kids wanted to play with their babysitter more than they wanted to play with Debra. So Debra let the babysitter go because she was upset, then regretted it later! I think you handled it perfectly, Kellie. You felt hurt, but you didn’t show that to the baby and you let her take her comfort where she could at that moment.

    I like it when babies say hi to me in the store! I always smile at them and say hi because I think children smiles and happiness. I especially try to smile and wave at the kids whose parents look angry or uncaring. I figure those kids need it the most.

    Love the picture of Emma Kelly with Barney. I wonder if your step-children ever made it on to Barney, I remember when they were auditioning for it years ago.

    But I think the people on here are making it into a bigger deal than it really is – get over it people!

  38. Wow, it is very amazing to me that simply because I said that Kellie made a rather sweeping generalization about people who don’t say hi to kids at stores, now people are making sweeping generalizations about me.

    Um, Kelly, I’m extremely happy, and I have two kids and a great husband. I do say hi to strangers, and usually kids in stores, contrary to your assumption.

    But I, unlike you and many other people who have posted here, am aware enough to realize that even though I think my kids are oh-so-adorable, I realize that not everyone is going to think that, and that sometimes people do find them annoying, and I am okay with that.

    I’m also intelligent enough not to buy into the societal belief that just because someone doesn’t smile at a kid in a store, or chooses not to have children, that they must hate kids and be terrible, grouchy people. Kelly (the poster), it is people like you who make me realize just how far this country has to go in truly updating its attitudes.

  39. Kathleen your not helping your case. You still come across as hateful and not as happy as you say you are. Seriously, take a look at what you wrote. No one said anything about a persons decision to not have children. My sister in law and her husband have decided to not have children but that doesn’t have anything to do with being a thoughtful, friendly person.
    I say it’s people like you who keep this country from “updating it’s attitude”. And as far as intelligience goes, well you do not seem all that intelligient. Enough said, this is Kellie’s blog. Most of us come here to support her, which is what I and the other’s you referred to are doing. Next time we will just look over any rude comments from you. Again, try and smile at some one today, might make you happier.

  40. Touche’

  41. Who are these people commenting?? You don’t think babies are cute? CRACK HEADS!!! Emma Kelly is especially cute. How could you not wave? I agree with you on this one, Kellie.

    Even if you aren’t a baby person, wouldn’t you wave if an adult said hi to you? That is so rude!!!! If you don’t like babies, who the heck do you like?

    Leslie,

    You are a little witch!!! Kelly can have a life and go on vacation and still be a good mother, which she obviously is. Why don’t you take your holier than thou crap and shuv it up your big butt!!!!

    Kellie,

    I love my baby more than anything on the planet, but he has chosen his nanny on occasion. I don’t have a choice but to work. Now that he is older (2) no one ever comes before mommy. Don’t ever think she loves anyone more than you, because I assure you SHE DOESN’T! You are a GREAT MOM!

  42. Kelly, at least Kathleen can spell and punctuate correctly. “Intelligient.” Haha…

  43. Jill, I know, I didn’t proof read it until after I hit send! It’s hard to prove your case when you can’t spell! Ha! But atleast when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong. I was just hoping it would go unnoticed!

  44. Kelly I agree. No one made a “sweeping generlization” about anything. There are some VERY unhappy people here and they very much come across that way. Kellie did not say anything about her baby being especially cute or everyone thinking they they should think that way. Nor did anyone ever say anything about having children. Lighten up people. The subject was waving hi to a baby! I can’t imagine living with all the hate these women come across with!


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