delicious word of the day — “artichoke”

February 19, 2008 at 3:43 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 17 Comments

I am destined to either date men who have an insatiable need to be talked about on the radio or by those who are intrigued enough by me to stick around despite it.  I think after the initial “shock and awe” of today’s show, “Uncle Daddy” actually considered bolting. But after hours of consideration and some of the initial sting wore off a little, he said he decided I’m fun to be around and wouldn’t mind so much seeing me again. WHAT? I’m FUN???  Where in the world did THAT come from?? I’ve been described as a lot of things in this lifetime, but “fun” isn’t usually one of them. I’d better work on keeping him around a while longer because I’m not quite so sure that sentiment would be shared by any other man who’d just been teased mercilessly by my “brothers” on the radio. And isn’t that basically what I’m dealing with? I’m working with a bunch of over-protective and/or pain-in-the-butt brothers who live to make my life miserable. They’re so…………………SIXTEEN! Ugh.  

So I’m taking out this huge life insurance policy just in case I drop dead here in the next day or two and Emma Kelly wants to — I don’t know — continue eating and maybe wear some store-bought clothes from time to time before she grows up and decides she wants to go to one of them there fancy learning places. So today, I had to have a physical to prove that I’m insureable. This man actually saved me the trouble of going to a sterile medical office and came to my warm, loving home. It was here that he forced me to do the unthinkable. I not only stood on a scale in front of him, he made me show him my belly!!! What is up with this EKG thing? Nobody told me the parts about losing the bra and showing some skin! And I don’t think a man’s seen that part of my body in a fully lit room EVER! Not even on my honeymoon! But he said he’s seen worse.  Isn’t that what they all say? Sweet talker….

I’m going to go eat something really, really bad. It’s not like I still don’t have tons of crap left over from Saturday brunch. I already polished off the mini quiches and now I’m working on the artichoke jalapeno dip.




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  1. Kellie… you crack me up with each and every blog! Too funny! Thanks for always making each blog funnier and more enlightening than the last!

  2. kellie, i for one would like to ravage your stomach. saggy or not.
    *does the elephant pose*

  3. so would i!
    *does the elephant with one leg up pose*

  4. me too!
    *poses with an elephant at the ball*

  5. my original posts, before the schzoprinia set in, did not show up before my last 2 posts….or maybe one of my other selfs thought they posted and didn’t…i can’t keep track of them all.
    orginally i said that i would like to see kellie’s tummy, saggy or not.
    *does the elephant pose*

  6. me too!
    *does the elephant on a ball pose*

  7. where are all my posts going??????
    *does the thinking elephant pose*

  8. i can’t spell anymore. what is happening to me???
    i think my posts are now getting blocked!
    *does the help me pose*

  9. auf…lesson no. 01 when doing impressions…try to be funny.

  10. a man hired a killer to “off” his wife…the killers name was Artie…he said he would do the deed for 1 dollar…he followed the woman to HEB…waited till she returned to her car and strangles her…two grocery boys see what happened and try to help…they too are strangled…he is finally arrested…the next day the headlines read: ARTIeCHOKES 3 for a Dollar at HEB!!!

  11. where did you find your life insurance guy???…craigslist???…i hope he tipped you well.

  12. A man goes into a restaurant and is seated…all the waitresses are gorgeous…a particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, “What would you like, sir?”…he looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, “a quickie.”

    the waitress turns and walks away in disgust…after she regains her composure she returns and asks again, “what would you like, sir?”…again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, “a quickie, please.”

    this time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding “SMACK!” and storms away.

    a man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, “Um, Pal, I think it’s pronounced ‘keesh’.”

  13. i think Einstein said it best:

  14. It sounds like this one is a keeper if he can handle all that your “brothers” dished out, lol. I bet there was a few moments that may have Irritated him. You may owe him dinner for that one,lol.

  15. Kellie, You deserve someone who likes you and your “family”. I hope that it works out and if it doesn’t then you have a great story to tell on the radio. LOL. Also It is very smart to take out a life insurance policy on yourself to cover your child. I did it and it makes me feel good knowing that god forbid anything happens my children are taken care of.

    Lots of love and prayer

  16. Kellie,

    I’ve been married 12 years and I still don’t think my husband has seen me in daylight! A complete stranger who then says “I’ve seen worse”! What is that? What does he need to see your belly for anyway?

  17. i LOVE that artichoke jalapeno dip from COSTCO. i was “forced” to eat it for dinner for 2 weeks after the same kind of party where people didn’t eat…

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