delicious word of the day — “scrumptious”

January 30, 2008 at 3:04 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 28 Comments

I love Emma Kelly more than I love the air that I breathe. But we have now reached that point where I simply cannot take her anywhere that requires sitting patiently on mommy’s lap sucking lovingly on a binky while I take care of business. I learned this lesson the hard way today.

I  had an appointment to meet with a lawyer to draw up a will, leaving everything to my precious bundle of joy should I face an unexpected, early demise. My appointment was at 2pm, which is exactly when I pulled up to the big, fancy lawyer-people building. Twenty minutes later I was finally in his office because it took me that long to loop around 5 floors of underground parking and maneuver my SUV into a spot for compact cars only. I was desperate, people. So I was already sweating when I finally got to the lawyer’s lobby, but at least Emma Kelly was being her sweet self, perched on my hip wearing her lawyer-office best, complete with black patent shoes and black velvet hair bow. And then we went into the private office. That’s when it all fell apart.

Emma Kelly could not be contained. I tried bouncing her on my lap. I fed her cookies. I gave her juice. I even let her chew on an ink pen — it was an emergency! And the whole time I’m just apologizing to the attorney, who kept assuring me it was no big deal and completely unnecessary for me to keep apologizing over and over and over again. That’s when Emma Kelly basically threw her apple juice down on his glass top table, sending that sweet liquid splashing all over his suit — Armani, I’m sure, because things like this don’t happen to men wearing a suit from the Wash ‘N Wear collection. Again, he assured me that this was perfectly all right as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at himself while maintaining his eye contact and composure with me. I WAS MORTIFIED. I asked him to just give me a list of everything he wanted and needed from me and told him to send me the dry cleaning bill and I got the heck out of there.

Needless to say, I won’t let this happen ever, ever again. But I do get the official Bad Parent patch for the day.




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  1. Bad Parent patch? Nooo. Thats just how kids are around that age. They won’t sit still, you can’t get much done. And, it will probably last for a while 🙂

  2. By absolutely no means does that make you a bad parent! At least Emma Kelly is still in the “cute” stage. Just wait until she’s a “hell on wheels” 4 year old doing the same things 🙂 I can remember wanting my kids to hurry up and walk, and talk, and be mobile. Then about 3 months after they did all those things, I just wished they could go back to the days when you could put them in a swing and they were content. It doesn’t get any easier, but you’ll learn to adapt and what does and doesn’t work.

  3. Don’t worry! People rarely think that your child is acting as bad as you think they are acting. You are a good mom who expects good behavior all the time, but that’s not always going to happen. In the future, you know to find a babysitter or go when your nanny is home.

  4. I am cracking you my 2 year old is the best baby ever(I have 2 older girls), perfect in every way…..EXCEPT….when it comes to going out in public. She is absolutely the worst! She’s happy all over the place…by all over the place I mean she literally runs far away when I finally let her out of the shopping cart after listening to her scream because she wants out so bad..Whew—I’m worn out even thinking about it. Soooo I just enjoy her in the privacy of our home. She no longer gets to go to town. This phase to shall pass!! Enjoy!

  5. I am embarassed to admit this – I used to be one of those childless people that would be irritated with mothers when they brought their toddlers out in public and the kids threw fits. Now that I have my own child, I totally get it and am much more patient and understanding. We all do the bet we can and have to remember – these are just young babies/kids and we all are learning as we go!

  6. best, bot bet. sorry!

  7. Kellie…sorry…no award or patch today…these folks beat you:

  8. Welcome to the wonderful world of toddler-hood. I learned very quickly that once my 10 month old son started walking…..there was not sitting cutely in public anymore. No restaurants, no picture studios, no waiting in line, etc. So, you have been inducted and know that it is not horrible parenting it is reality!

  9. Lawyers? She’s just smart is all. :0)

  10. You’re not a bad Parent! My 3 yr old was a TERROR in H&R block the other day..I tried everything from snacks, to putting him on my lap, to giving him something to color, to bribery, lol..sometimes kids just get bored in those kinds of places!

  11. when i was a child i had a bike with square tires…but it made me the man whom i am today!

  12. when i was a child…for my sixth birthday…i got a piece of string and a button.

  13. Kellie…i found the PERFECT gift for Emma Kelly…she will be mesmerized for hours AND learn a profession.
    you will thank me.

  14. That is pretty funny. I must admit I only read the comments on this blog to see what crazy stuff Craig has to say today.

  15. Jessica…i come here only to read dora’s witty and bemusing anecdote’s…they offer a mid afternoon chortle.

  16. for reasons i wish not to disclose, i had to see one of these fancy suit lawyers…i wish i could have spit up on his suit.

  17. Kellie…i may not be a fancy suit attorney…but having served 15 years in a minimum security detention center, i have developed some AWESOME jail house lawyer skillz…i just wrote my own petition for a writ of habeas corpus…if i get out, can we go out to applebees?!?

  18. how to get your screaming child to sleep:

  19. Craig, are you up for parole? What crime did you commit? Are you guilty of said crime? I’ve been to prison before…just visiting, of course.

  20. Molly…i am too good looking to be guilty…would you like to visit me?!?

  21. i wish Kellie would use a bit more masculine word of the day…if i used the word “scrumptious” in the yard, i would be shanked.

  22. Kelly…is this where you parked???

  23. Too good looking like Ted Bundy was? Sorry, my days of visiting prison are in the past. Hey, maybe you could do a bit from there and interview your fellow inmates…a delicious word I like to use is “indicative”…don’t know why

  24. Molly…inDICative would NOT be a good word here at the attascosa correctional facility…and when i say gooding looking…i mean if i was a chic, i would date me…and i am HOPELESSLY hetero.

  25. hahahahahaha – you are funny today. Some days, not so much, but today this correctional institution thing was hilarious. Have a nice day crazy internet britches blog man.

  26. BTW, Craig, you most certainly must have a myspace, facebook, eHarmony and whatever else you can get your hands on account set-up. Can you please post it so we can see the greatness that is Craig, live and in person? I’m being serious, not mean.

  27. Why wasn’t Emma Kelly with Nanny Laura?

  28. My baby threw up on someone wearing something ever so expensive. I was mortified and felt like crawling under a rock. I totally understand what you mean about not being able to take small children to certain places but Kelly don’t beat yourself up over it. I honestly do think the lawyer didn’ mind Emma, up until the part her got juice on his suit. 😉
    Sadly enough she will be more mobile soon and will be even harder to predict. On the bright side I’m sure she was the CUTEST baby they’ve seen in a long time in that fancy lawyer’s office.

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