delicious word of the day — “Pamprin”

January 24, 2008 at 11:54 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 37 Comments

The meeting with the Wellness Coach went about as well as I expected. I sat there with my arms folded — a totally involuntary instinct which, once recognized, CONSUMES my every thought. “Does she see this as a defensive pose? Does she think that maybe I’m just a little cold? It IS a little cold in here. If I uncross my arms now, will that be too obvious? Will it look like I’m trying to prove to her that I’m NOT defensive and that I’m just more comfortable sitting here with my arms folded across my chest? AM I defensive? What am I defensive about? Is she going to make me cry. I am NOT going to cry! I’m just going to sit here with my arms folded and NOT CRY!” Meantime, she’s going through her entire spiel about helping me find my wellness, but I can’t hear anything she’s saying because I’m having this HUGE conversation with myself in my head.  I think she senses I’m not really there because she snaps me out of it with a question, “What are your goals?”

Goals? Do I have any goals? Have I ever? Saying I’m going to do something and then never doing it — Does that mean I actually had a goal that wasn’t realized or was that an example of me just running my mouth and never actually intending to do anything about it? So that’s not really goal-setting, is it? That’s just talking. So do I have goals now? What do I want to get out of this? Here’s what I came up with:

I want to lose about 10 pounds and firm up my butt.

I want to develop self-confidence and not automatically assume everyone who meets me hates me.

I want to dump the bag lady syndrome once and for all.

I want to break through this creative block I’m experiencing.

I want to wake up with energy and not battle the snooze button every day.

I want to poop. A lot. Like once a day. TWICE even!

Do you know how long it took for me to come up with that list? I sat there and struggled and stressed and delved and despaired until I came up with that stinking list! Session over! I want to go home now! But no, she wanted me to lie down and breathe. Absolutely not. I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t do it. I would feel stupid. So you know what? I didn’t do it. I am very difficult. I am going to make this woman re-think her career path. She also has this idea that she’s going to get me to eat Super Foods. Well, we’ll just see about that.

XO
Kellie

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  1. Kellie, I think one of your goals should be that she needs to give you a better body image because if you think you need to lose 10 more pounds you obviously have a very bad body image. You look fantastic and do not need to lose more weight. If only you could see what we do when we look at your pictures.

  2. KELLY!!! You’re such a beautiful woman!!! and you’re so funny, and talented, and successful!! I know that no many how people tell you you’re pretty or compliment you it doesn’t matter. You have a self-image thing, but I think this wellness coach will help you, it already helped you to come up with actual points to work on! I hope everything works out and you can see how wonderful you are!! We all love ya!!

  3. Kelly, I have to say I was really disappointed about something you said/did this morning. Kidd was questioning Al about whether he and his girlfriend had broken up, your response sounded like you wish they were broken up. It was your tone. I hope that Al will not be stupid enough to let this girl go. She obviously has a lot of patience to put up with him. But with you Kelly, I wish the best for you. I was just disappointed in your response this morning. Or hopefully, I misinterpreted it.
    Have a nice day, and please learn to love yourself. Also, how’s Emma Kelly? I never hear about her anymore.

  4. KELLY,YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL IM NOT REAL SURE WHY YOU THINK YOU NEED TO LOOSE TEN POUNDS BUT I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ON THAT!
    COULD YOU PLEASE TELL US IF YOU START POOPING! I CAN GO UP TO 6 DAYS WITH NOTHING AND THEN ITS A BATTLE TO GO! PLEASE IF YOU GET HELP WITH THAT LET ME KNOW I DONT MIND GOING 2 TIMES A DAY VS NOTHING HAHA! ANYWAYS WELL GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING AND KEEP ME UPDATED!

  5. so…okay Kellie…whilst i may not be a “wellness coach”…*is there a licensing process for this position?!?*…your coach should read your blogs…then she would know you are not capable of being happy…once you forgive the underlying cause(s), then the happy will flow forth like my pearls of wisdom flow forth here!

  6. omg, Craig, are you serious? Kelly’s poop joke was one thing, but you take it to a new level. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR WHEN YOU HAVE A BOWEL MOVEMENT!! GROSS!! Anyway, since when are you a liscensed psychologist? And even though “you are” which I’m sure you’re going to say you are, because you claim to be everything else under the sun, when did it become appropriate to diagnose someone online. You have no idea what she is going through at all, no one does except those who actually know her. This is just a clip of what she felt like, at the exact moment she wrote this. The only thing that is appropriate is to give her words of encouragement, not telling her what her coach should do. UGH!

  7. brittney spears needs friends like me…i keeps it real…*grounded in reality pose #43*

  8. kelly…i pity your oby/gyn.

  9. kelly,
    hope your blogs, worries, etc. are just bits for the show. as a daily listener, it’s getting depressing for me to hear about your (hopefully exaggerated) depression!!

  10. and we pitty you, Craig. If you are so overcome with pity for kelly, then you should just leave.

  11. dora…can you not read???…i pity not Kellie…you on the other hand, would be another story…please use a direct quote stating i have pity for our favorite red headed side kick co host.

  12. OMG DORA.

    Go do something with your damn life. You probably lay in bed at night and think, “hmm, I wonder what I can say to Craig tomorrow on Kellie’s blog?” You are so annoying.

  13. *hands Katy a HUGE bran muffin*

  14. let us…open our arms…*group hugz for kellie & all her spicy hot fans*

  15. note to editors/censors: that was a photo of a brick.

  16. you need to take fiber pills each day (I take 2, my husband takes 5). Just buy the generic ones at wal-mart– they won’t hurt you at all. They are just plain FIBER…. that’s what your body needs to be able to poop. Also, try the cereal “FIBER ONE”– it’s good (tastes like graham crackers to me)– also they have FIBER ONE bars that really taste like a candy bar but are loaded with fiber too.. And drink lots of water too. I promise your pooping problems will be over if you will do this every day….

  17. Ok I have to agree with Sharon. I love the show and I love listening to everyone. But it is getting depressing, expecially when it’s so hard for everyone to see. But I am glad you are getting help or at least paying someone to make you think you are getting help and then not doing what they ask of you, it’s a small step.
    The losing 10 pounds, or the weight issue needs to go away completely. I mean really, it’s been 10 years. Yawn.
    Katy – I don’t think anyone was invited to share their bowel movement history here. Yuck! And please stop yelling.

  18. my bad, craig, I mis-read ur comment, I thought it said you and ur obgyn..but UGGGHHH…you’re retarted. If you actually read these blog comments, especially yesterdays, u’d note the fact that I only do this when I’m bored at work. I deffinitley don’t take anything home with me, and as soon as I close out of the page, it’s done. I think YOU’RE the one who needs to do something with YOUR life, if you are so bothered by someone else’s comments that don’t even involve you. Loser.

  19. I love reading your blog, Kellie. I totally relate with you about the arm folding thing. My bff always told me that it’s bad. Because I’m giving this vibe that I’m bored. Which is totally not the case. I just feel comfortable that way. I did try to work on it. I guess I did see what she meant by that. Anyhow, hopefully, you can get pass through these little problems. You just need a lil boost of self-confidence. ;)Have a great day!

  20. I agree with UGGGHHHH

  21. My boyfriend said that when I cross my arms, it makes me look like I’m mad. Who knows!

  22. UGGGHHHH…i hope you are a hot chic.

  23. UGGGGHHH no friggin duh I’m bored. When did I ever say I’m not? Anyway, who gives a crap about spelling on the computer. Anyway, you would love craig, you’re probably just as nasty as him, too. oh well.

  24. i am not nasty…tasty???…oooooooooh yea.

  25. Proper spelling and grammar is always important. They are especially important when making Ad Hominem arguments.

  26. hey…anyone…what are the odds of ANY of the KKITM show folks actually reading ANY of these comments?!?

  27. i passed with flying colors!!!

  28. GOOD LORD CRAIG!! what do you do? sit around and google poop all day?? omg, its nuts…although that colonblow was kinda funny. “pooping is cool!!” ha ha. congratulations. You finally made someone laugh.

  29. OH MY GOSH KELLIE!! ASK BIG AL ABOUT MONAVIE! IT’S AN ALL NATURAL FRUIT JUICE THAT HE IS DRINKING AND YOU COULD REALLY BENEFIT FROM IT. ESPECIALLY THE PART ABOUT GETTING UP IN THE MORNING WITHOUT HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON AND YOUR “IRREGULARITY” ISSUES. THIS JUICE IS BETTER HEALTH IN A BOTTLE. AL SIGNED UP AS A DISTRIBUTOR UNDER MY FRIEND DANA. HE OR SHE CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT AND GIVE YOU A BOTTLE OR TWO TO TRY. PLEASE, PLEASE GIVE THIS A CHANCE. IT IS CHANGING PEOPLE’S LIVES AND IT IS ALL NATURAL!!

  30. wow, Dora I must say you are something else. Back and forth is all that you tend to do. But that’s great if you are that bored at work. Congrats. You bite craigs head off and then congratulate him. Interesting…

  31. a young Kellie?!?

  32. Hey Smithson – If it works for Dora and Craig and they are both okay with their banter, then hey – life is good. Doesn’t hurt us any! Their chatter actually adds entertain to my life. Sad, I know……it’s like a car accident. We don’t want to look, but we do it anyway!

  33. Kellie,

    metamucil and a cup of coffee in the morning, same time, every day will keep you regular. This is coming from one who knows!!

    I am sending loving vibrations your way! If you take the time to look for things to be grateful for in your life, all the other crappy stuff will start to fall away. Try it! Start with your beautiful daughter. Besides, you are the most influential person and woman in her life. She will look to you to figure out how to be a woman. Focus on what you have now and feel good standing there. Then, feel the feeling of deliciousness when you think about the things you do want (not need) to come your way. Have fun!! Be grateful! Life is good, Kellie Raspberry!!!

  34. I think you must be some kind of medical enigma if you only poop once a week. Your body would either have to be almost completely absorbing everything you eat or you don’t eat anything or your intestines must be a mile long. That has to be keeping all kinds of toxins and other junk locked up inside you.

  35. This is what I think of when Craig comments with one of his “strikes a pose #32” type stuff. Anyone ever seen the movie, “Buying The Cow”?
    Not a 3 star movie but the part where Ryan Reynolds strikes a pose in his mirror whereby he is butt naked and puts all his man parts behind him so he looks like a woman….that is what I think of Craig doing wih everyone of his little “poses”. Craig looking like a big dork (note: Ryan Reynolds is cute, Craig only wishes he looked like him) making some gay pose.
    “makes :0) pose #4”.

  36. Kellie,

    After several days of my little girl not having a bowel movement, I took her to the doctor who gave me some helpful advise in addition to what we already know… eating heathy, drinking lots of water. Try this it really works! The doctor also gave her a stool softener to help things move along. Try selecting a specific time of day to use the bathroom. You may want to choose a time immediately after eating. That way, you can take advantage of your body’s own natural method of moving food through your system. This action, also known as peristalsis, is like a wave moving through the muscles of your digestive system, narrowing and then propelling food and fluid along. These wavelike movements occur 20 to 30 minutes after a meal. Planning this way may help to establish some predictability so you can gain greater control

  37. I just want to say that I really admire you. It takes a lot of strength to open yourself up like you do. I also wanted to let you know that I too have started seeing a wellness coach and one of my homework assignments was to breathe…breathe in normal and on the exhale draw out the word relax. Now this sounds simple and I’m sure there are thousands of people out there who can do this but I am not one of them. I end up gasping for air and short of breath and I had to put my foot down and say if this is supposed to relax me it isn’t working! I wish you the best of luck and I’ll be waiting to see how everything works out for you.


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