delicious word of the day — “champagne”

January 18, 2008 at 1:43 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 76 Comments

The guys all took me to be fitted for my “naughtywear” after the show today. I was blindfolded before I realized Oops! Should’ve shaved my legs! Shanon was there in the dressing room with me to help get me in and out of some pretty awkward outfits. And you know what? She wasn’t the least bit turned on by me. Huh. That was one shot to the ego.

Then I came out and modeled for Kidd. I wasn’t one outfit in when I was asked by the lovely saleswoman, “Do you own Spanx?” She’s so lucky I was blindfolded so I can’t identify her later. Yes, I DO own a pair of Spanx, but I HATE them. I don’t WANT to wear them. Shot two to my ego.

Then as I’m being spun around in blindfolded darkness with Kidd attempting to attach footwear to the bottom of my hairy leg, he asks, “You DO plan on getting some sort of tan on your legs before tomorrow, don’t you?” Shot three.

Big Al was next and he was wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Except for trying to shove my hairy leg into a boot that wouldn’t fit, no harm, no foul. But I’m being spun in 10 different directions at this point, so I decide that yes, I WOULD like that glass of champagne, thank you.

J-Si was up next. He made the mistake of having the girl with no butt try on designer jeans. I could hear the disappointment in his voice as I spun around for each and every flat surprise. Then he and the saleswoman — same one? I don’t know…still blindfolded — said perhaps it would be a good idea to wear a thong tomorrow. See, that would be because the fat on my hips and ass was spilling over my panty lines. Shot four. Give me that damned champagne!!

So I don’t know what to expect when I walk out on that runway Friday morning, with the temperature forecast to be in the mid-20s. I do know I’ll be rising around 3:00 in the morning to shave and fake tan my legs, squeeze into a thong and then cover my butt in Spanx. Please, God. Please don’t let me look like a complete idiot. A frozen, pasty, bulging, thong-wearing complete idiot. Can my ego handle the fifth shot? That remains to be seen.

XO
Kellie

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  1. awww…kellie, i love reading your blog.i hope that it didn’t go that bad as you think it did. i really wanted to go out to the fashion thing tmw, but i have no transportation. =( you’ll do great, and make sure you have fun doing it (in the freezing cold =P)!

  2. omg…you crack me up! I swear we’re sisters…somehow, someway…my daddy is a baptist preacher…anyway, I love ya to death!

    your long lost sister,

    chelle

  3. the simple truth Kellie…its not a cup size or point on a scale that which makes on beautiful…tis the soul of the woman that real men desire…outfits and catwalk be damned…you are indeed a stunning woman as witnessed by the adoration of this forum…i hope that one day…you will be able to manage the flood of emotions and heal the trust that has been violated.

  4. tomorrow…in honour of this event…i plan to sport my brand new knitted banana hammock!

  5. craig, did the free internet go down for a while?
    As you can see on the previous post, you had numerous people concerned for your welfare…

    let the “fireworks” begin……….

  6. K…ego???…hells bells…if i let my ego get bruised by the replies from YOUR well wishing and adoring fans, i would be the poster child for psychotherapy.

  7. Cindy…parole hearings…imagine me…released back into society!!!…seriously…i have stage II hypertension…along with failing kidneys…i had to go to the doctors…worry not…if something happens…i plan to clone myself.

  8. ru serious… nooooo… you’re kidding right?

  9. Why do I keep tuning in? I could be doing laundry, dishes, etc… But-Ya’ll are addictive…

  10. nope…96% of the stuff i write is indeed true.

  11. Oh my gosh Craig…I’m really sorry to hear this…… stage 2 hypertension, and kidney failure…..I hope you’re watching what you put in your mouth.. …..and I don’t mean “just watching”……geeeeezzzz….Hopefully, your doctor visit was a positive one….You know you keep people laughing on here…and it seems the ones who stay mad at you, can’t keep themselves from talking to you…

  12. Ok for all of you ignoring the first comment on Kellie’s last post.you are supposed to IGNORE CRAIG and not heed him on.

    The fake one is a joke my friends and I have on each other…means nothing to everyone here. And NO, I am not Craig, gross…sick…NO.

  13. dora…what is wrong with this?

  14. As you all have noticed….CINDY is the ONLY one who gives a rats patooey if Craig is on the web or not. She seems to have a fetish, has too much time on her hands or both.

    Blow your own fireworks Cindy…no-one here gives a poop about how much you adore Craig.

  15. And Dora…don;t give in to Craig. We all know he is an a**. IGNORE him….IGNORE him

  16. hmmm….. seems this is proven on here…
    http://www.livescience.com/health/080117-violent-cravings.html

  17. idea: the Kelly Rasberry Barbie Doll…accessories could include a convertible sebring…a radio DJ set…and kinky fetish Kellie w/ various wigs, jello shots and optional boy toy.

  18. Cindy…i am a lover…not a fighter.

  19. am i the ONLY guy that digs panty lines???

  20. whilst no one here would ever wish nothing but hope & happiness for our beloved Kellie…i wonder if the comic bits and all the well intentioned advise is properly focused…Kellie has gone through SEVERAL major traumatic events…the now infamous markkevin affair being the latest in a series of psychological damaging incidents…while friends and well wishers offer up kind words of advice, Kellie has always maintained that we understand not what has happened…i recently had my own epiphany…i believe the mk event was akin to a psychological rape of trust compounded by a whole series of other events which would have sent most viewers into an unrecoverable spiral of depression…i wonder if the current bits of humor on the subject do nothing more than put nails into a coffin of depression that should be addressed not by viewers but real professionals.

  21. I’m sure that her co-workers know her alot better than you do , Craig. Seeings how they have actually, you know, MET her, and TALKED to her. They are always talking about how they are friends outside of work. So I’m sure they would know whether or not they can joke with her on something. Plus, she’s been doing this a while. I’m sure if she didn’t want something constantly put out there, she wouldn’t have brought it up. I’m just sayin.

  22. By the way, Craig, I’m still waiting for my article 15. Oh wait, that’s right. You’re “in jail” lol.

  23. dora…you speak with the knowledge and wisdom of an e-1.

  24. go ahead and explain to me, oh “wise and mighty” craig, how do I speak as an e-1….please, feel free to use examples. I don’t think anything that you can bring up can top your comment of threatening me with an article 15, over the internet, without any knowledge of my military history, or even WHAT BRANCH I’m in. Im so never gonna let you forget that comment, ha ha

  25. dora…how hard is salvation army bootcamp?!?

  26. Im sorry, you’re a little confused, that must have been the service your mom served in. which branch did you serve in? oh wait, it doesn’t matter, cuz you’re full of crap anyway.

  27. dora…your “comic” reply leaves me underwhelmed…please note…if you want to insult someone with even a hint of class…leave mothers out of the equation..

  28. Kellie – Does it bother you that your blog has turned into a chatroom for Craig and Dora? Just wondering?! No need for either Dora or Craig to respond since this is addresses to Kellie. Thanks in Advance.

    Now about the thongs…. HA!!! You have to be in the mood for those. But they do help with the butt issue if worn with a pair of jeans. I’m pretty sure you looked FABULOUS!!! Can’t wait to see the pictures.

    XOXOXO

  29. Craig, nothing about conversating with you has class. And honestly, why would I take advice about humor from someone who thinks poop jokes are amusing? honestly craig, get a life. So I’m still waiting to hear, how ARE you gonna issue me an article 15? I just have to thank you right now, because as of lately it’s been pretty slow in my office, so you do give me pretty good entertainment throughout the day.

  30. Maybe you could entertain each other using your private email address’? Jeeze. Craig was funnny before all the back and forth. Mate with each other and get it over with.

  31. Anika, since this IS a public forum, I would like to go ahead and respond anyway and let you know that this forum is open to anyone to make comments. Also, it has been brought up that our comments bring up her hits, which is just better looking for her blog. Just thought I’d let ya know, 😉

  32. I KNEW you’d say something… HAAAAAA!!!! Too bad it didn’t answer my original question… FYI – y’all appear to be either insane or super horny for attention… Okay girl…get those hits up!!!

    Pinky – You Rock!!! And I’m out!! Smooches!

  33. well how can I answer a question you directed to kelly? and it really doesn’t bother me that I appear to you to be insane or super horny for attention, all that matters to me is that I’m being entertained. Which I am. Thanks though! 😉

  34. You are soo freakin’ skinny Kellie! OMG, I’m a little jealous of your long skinny yet shapely legs. You look amazing. I think you may have that body dismorphia thing going on. You have inspired me to get in shape – I want to look as hot as you! This is coming from a size-6-used-to-be-a-size-2 26 year old naughty girl

  35. KELLIE!!!! LOVE Kidd’s CHOICE!!! That dress looks AMAZING on you!!! Love JC’s outfit also!!! Not sure about AL’s. :\

    XOXO

  36. Kellie:
    You looked awesome in all three but my fav naughty was J-si. The dress thing is sometimes to much naughty when you are out clubbin but you did look really good in it. Al’s outfit well… well that’s just Al for you!

  37. Kelly I saw the pictures. You are beautiful. I loved you in that dress.

  38. you have the most gorgeous legs!

  39. Kellie, I’m in awe of you!! The attitude you had on the runway should be your attitude ALWAYS! You were working it girl! You should definitely wear the outfit Kidd picked the next time you go out. You look AWESOME! My friends and I have a name for those pumps you were wearing but it’s not appropriate for this forum…hahaha…let’s just say those are some very naughty shoes that “RAWK”. Who is the guy in the background of the pictures that we voted on? He is totally LOVING YOU!! Have a great weekend Kellie Kat!

  40. Al’s outfit…*stunned silence*
    JC’s outfit…those jeans were da BOMB.
    Kidds outfit…by far…the best…your legs shall bring peace to the mideast.

  41. I have no idea what most of the responses in this thread are about….

    BUT, with that being said, I *will* tell you that you have a smokin’ body. I’m 25 and your legs blow mine out of the water. No lie, you totally look like a model in those pictures. I’ve always thought you were pretty, but in these pictures, you look downright hot.

    *gets back on treadmill*

  42. My daughters were there this morning for the fashion show. And the first thing my oldest daughter said was that Kelley is so pretty and thin. She has heard you talk about your weight and didn’t know exactly what you would look like and she was amazed at how tall and thin you were. She also said that your legs looked great. You should stop worry so much about your weight and start living. Just think of all the time you waste and the fun you don’t have because of your weight.

  43. Al’s outfit was a crime against humanity…you may wish to seek legal action.

  44. Kellie,

    I’ve been listening to the show for quite some time and i’ve heard about you complain about your weight recently. Well after seeing those pics of you today I can honestly tell you you are not fat! I don’t even know where you got that notion. I had a baby 7months agom (I gained 50lbs while doing it) and I lost 30 but im struggling to lose the last 20 and even if I do I still wouldn’t look as good as you ok so please stop with the fat comments! You really are beautiful accept it.

  45. Kellie, you should stop being so hard on yourself. You look amazing on the runway. You should wear short dresses everyday, your legs look AMAZING!! Even if they are white, I am right there with you I can’t get brown even if I pay for it! Love ya!

  46. You looked great! I wish… WISH! I had your figure!!

  47. Kellie,

    I am here in Fort Stewart, GA temporarily from Puerto Rico. Everytime I go on a business trip for the Army the first thing I do is find “My Station”. Here, I have found you guys at KISS FM. I love the show and listen from the time I get up at 6:15 until you go off air. I really wish you didn’t talk that way about yourself cause it makes me sad. You are tall, not fat at all, and are a beautiful woman. Have more confidence. Don’t let a man break you no matter what. They are not worth it.

    I saw your fashion show pictures. I voted for Kidd’s outfit because it shows more flesh. J-Si’s outfit was cute but not that naughty. You’ve got nice legs, show them off.

    I am posting a web address that someone sent me about our United States Troops, I liked it and thought you guys might appreciate it.

    http://www.signatureassociates.com/gordy/bestcommercial.asf

  48. I saw the photos and kellie your one hot mama!!! YOu look great why do you complain about your weight abd size. MMM guess we do that cause we can huh?!?!?! Any who you look awesome J-Si and Kidd did good but I was a little lost with Al’s outfit MMMM!?!?!?!?

  49. Kellie-

    You looked amazing in all three outfits…. you have legs for days girl!!!!

    Call me crazy but…. I kinda liked Big Al’s outfit (parts of it anyway). I think the boots and leggings looked great on you!!!! Not really sure what that jacket thing was though……

    Have a *Naughty* Friday!!!!

  50. Kellie you looked fabulous in your outfits this morning and I would die for legs like yours. Unfortunately, I’m short with big, thick legs. Oh, but Big Al’s outfit, God bless his heart, it looked like a jacket not a dress. I know his intentions were good, though. Hope the rest of your day is deliciously naughty. God bless.

  51. Kellie, You are so hott, anyone who thinks otherwise, they’re stupid. You have an awesome sense of humor and I love all the attitude you give out. You go girl. You would make an awesome friend. You are a great woman, you just gotta find a real man who can handle the real woman in you. 🙂 Kuttos. Can’t wait to make it out there and actually be able to see you guys! you guys are great and you rock the show! xoxo!

  52. Kellie,

    I listen to the show Mon-Fri from 6:30 am – 5:30 pm give or take and I just had to send you this blog.

    You have to stop beating yourself up about things girl….. and you don’t need a psychiatrist they are all about getting richer at your expense.
    Trust me been there done that.
    Use this time for you and your beautiful daughter.
    Take time to find yourself again and take care of you…..life shouldn’t revolve around men, as you and I both know they don’t always stick around.

    My ex-husband walked out when my baby was 3 ½ months old.
    I raised my daughter, kept my house, yard & bills up and I did it by myself with the help of God.
    Yes it was very hard but it was a great feeling to know I could do it and in the middle of all that was going on in my life I lost 60lbs in 3 months time.
    You think you’re big, honey you don’t know what big is.
    I am what they call PHAT (pretty, hot and thick) and trust me there are lot’s of men out there that actually like women with meat on their bones, some like a little and some like a lot.
    However, when I got tired of the single life and doing things on my own I prayed day and night for God to put a man in my life that could love me and respect me for the person
    I am and also accept my child like one of his own.
    After three years of being single my prayers were answered and it’s been 8yrs now.

    Slow down a bit, take time to pray and take time for yourself!

    God Bless
    Hope

  53. Hey Kelly I thought you looked great in all of the outfits. Beautiful!!

  54. Hi Kellie, ok so I voted for Kidd’s dress, I think it was very flattering on you. What I would do to have a body like that! You looked amazing.

  55. Kellie — when I look at you, I think “tall, skinny, and FABULOUS legs, plus a cute butt in jeans”. Where you get your negative self-image from, I don’t know, but just speaking from a straight woman’s point of view, I think you’re pretty much perfect. (as long as you keep some Endless Summer daily tanner on like you’d put on lotion, though. White legs — mmm, not great with short dresses!) But you should wear dresses up to your ass every day, if I were 19 feet tall like you are, I would! And keep wearing TALL shoes… Fabulous. Please tell me you are one of those who wears old-lady ballet flats all the time! NO! Play up your babe-ness! Do you not wear your makeup like that every day? You should, that’s my normal look. Smoke it up! You don’t have to be “just” a baby momma with no man, you are HOT! Line those eyes DAILY!

  56. Ignore the lady’s Spanx suggestion — it does NOT mean you’re fat! Skinny people wear Spanx, it just shapes you smoothly under clothes, it’s not a girdle for “fat pigs”. Kellie, you’re a silly gal, sometimes…

  57. DORA, Since you are a FU**ING MORON and just cannot seem to IGNORE the things Craig says…you too are a pathetic excuse and a LOSER!!!!

    You are obviously, lonely, bored and too stupid to heed the obvious.

    You and Cindy can go BLOW yourself.

    Everyone else just IGNORES you, Cindy and Craig!

  58. hey fake…like me…like me not…i care not…but the majority of posters here are women…watch your language.

  59. Oh good grief Craig, now we poor women are too dainty for tough language? I hope you are just a troller for trouble and don’t actually believe half of the stuff you post. Otherwise, you kind of scare me/make me sad.

    BTW, Kellie, you rocked today. Totally Rene Russo! In Thomas Crown days. I so wanted to look like her, she and you are gorgeous.

  60. I like Craig and so do a ton of other people. If you read ALL of the posts you would know that. Name calling is uncalled for and I agree the language is inapproriate. All the post will accomplish is more posts from Craig, Dora, Cindy & all the other Craig lovers…way to go Fake One!!

  61. spanx should make boxer shorts for us men of size…i am an unresolved bulimic…i binge but do not purge.

  62. I”m confused on why people are chatting in here on Kellie’s personal blog when there is a perfectly good chat room that they set up for kiddlive.com. Yeah, I don’t get it. Anyhow, Kellie you have killer legs, and you looked fantabulous in those outfits. I have no idea what Al’s outfit was…God bless him but you looked amazing. I voted for J Si’s. That shirt was incredible. J Si did good. You have a sick body Kelster! haha Sorry I had to. But you are insanely gorgeous.

    Have a good circus!!!!

  63. HIIIIIIIIIII CRAIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG……..
    oooopssssssssss….. sorry.. i forgot….. i wasn’t supposed to talk to you…..

  64. incredulous…i do believe and stand by my opinions…i shall say i oppose abortion in most cases…and believe women do not belong in combat or combat support missions as well…we have a generation of punk children because mommies left the home to work to pay for the s..u.v., bigger house and flat screen t.v. all the while forget little tina who now has an eating and image disorder and little punk ass timmy who sells dope and is now an alcoholic at age 14.

  65. CINDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…i am drunk…i bet i wake up and cant find my pants.

  66. CRAIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG……..maybe you should ask, “the fake one” to help you find your pants….. I’m sure he/she wouldn’t mind…….they seem like a nice person….

  67. i am sure hitler had his pleasant moments as well.

  68. hey…was it wrong for me to giggle when they said “bra less”???…*heads to confessional*

  69. The International Rules of Manhood

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss’ car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

    16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

    We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

    “GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”

    “BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”

    We hope this clears up any confusion.

    The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

  70. Hey FAKE ONE,

    Go spread your negativity ELSEWHERE. Everyone, IGNORE FAKE ONE… maybe he/she will go away and stop acting like a two year old and stop calling people names like we did in elementary.

    There IS NO CALL FOR THAT SHIT.

    And Craig, what’s with the 40 sentence posts?

    I still luv ya.

    Ta Ta

  71. Kellie,

    I agree with everyone that tells you to knock off calling yourself fat. I only WISH I had your body. You look gorgeous… in anything.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  72. Kellie your blog always makes me laugh and cringe a little bit. Well I know that you have more courage then I do because I don’t think I would let a co-worker help me get clothes on in the dressing room. LOL
    When I grow up I want to just like Kellie. 😉

  73. Kellie,

    I am here in Fort Stewart, GA temporarily from Puerto Rico. Everytime I go on a business trip for the Army the first thing I do is find “My Station”. Here, I have found you guys at KISS FM. I love the show and listen from the time I get up at 6:15 until you go off air. I really wish you didn’t talk that way about yourself cause it makes me sad. You are tall, not fat at all, and are a beautiful woman. Have more confidence. Don’t let a man break you no matter what. They are not worth it.

    I saw your fashion show pictures. I voted for Kidd’s outfit because it shows more flesh. J-Si’s outfit was cute but not that naughty. You’ve got nice legs, show them off.

    I am posting a web address that someone sent me about our United States Troops, I liked it and thought you guys might appreciate it.

    http://www.signatureassociates.com/gordy/bestcommercial.asf

  74. Jocelyn…that is the man code to which i subscribe…*manly pose #72*

  75. Listen here, fake one, I have done nothing to you. I have to agree with craig for once, I deffinitly don’t appreciate having someone use that kind of language with me, and I also have stated multiple times that I come on here when I am bored at work. So what if you are annoyed, it entertains me, and a bunch of other people on here. You should probably just get over yourself.


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