What’s up?

December 4, 2007 at 3:14 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 34 Comments

After Big Al broke up with Redneck Steve for me on the air today, I thought that would pretty much be that! What guy wouldn’t be mad after all that?? We go on one freaking date and you’ve already got some jealous, temperamental woman pouting in the corner while her friend reads off some Dear John letter. What guy would be okay with that?? Well, apparently, that would be Steve…He didn’t seem to be mad at all. In fact, I do believe he said that I don’t scare him. And quite honestly, that scares me.  But after a lengthy discussion, we decided that yes, he’ll still escort me to our office Christmas party but no, if we ever go out beyond that, our date will not be used as fodder for the show. Apparently he’s okay with keeping his private life kept private. Who woulda thunk it?

Emma Kelly finally did it. I’ve been waiting for this day and it finally arrived. She pooped in her bath water.  I had her little duckie tub all filled with bubbles and after I got her all scrubbed clean and smelling of lavendar, I scooped her up and dried her off and lotioned her up and dressed her all cute and then I went to dump out her bath water and there it was. Baby poop. It had to happen eventually.  But let me tell you, even her little poop was cute.

I am about Christmased up to my eyeballs. I’ve spent hours making lists and checking them twice and shopping and wrapping and adding more people to my list and heading back out to do more shopping. It’s just too much! Every year I say the same thing, “Never again!” But I always do. It’s sort of expected of me to go overboard and why should this year be any exception?  I actually thought I’d try going the “homemade” route this year and bake cookies for people. I bought the little holiday tins and downloaded some fabulous cookie recipes. I had visions of hustling around the kitchen with flour dusted across my nose, singing along to the Josh Grobin Christmas CD while baking little lemon bars and snickerdoodles for my loved ones. Who am I kidding?? I’m not doing any of that Martha Stewart crap and now I’m stuck with a dozen holiday tins.  I just remembered I have to go add Redneck Steve to my Christmas list…….




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  1. Reading your blog can become addictive… and I think I’m hooked……it’s because you actually write down what the rest of us are thinking. For example, I had the same visions of Christmas.. baking in the kitchen and listening to my josh G. cd……hmmm.. but it looks like it isn’t going to happen here either….Oh well, at least I can now feel good that I’m not the only one…..

  2. My daughter did the exact same thing last week! Eww!! She was freaked out by it… she was crying and yelling “Poop!”

  3. Every year, my mom would say ‘That’s it! You all are having an even smaller Christmas than I threatened you with last year, and this time I mean it!’ . We all knew it wasn’t true. Somehow, all the gifts get there on time.

  4. OMG!!! I do that all the time. If I only had a nickel for every unused tin, bucket, bag, etc… I always get all creative and have such great visions when I’m in the Hobby Lobby or Michael’s craft store, and when life just gets in the way, I end up at the mall last minute shopping. I have so much powdered sugar and almond bark and that kind of stuff stacked in my pantry from last Christmas. Uugghh! Not to mention other items to make crafts and the such. Oh well… it’s the thought that counts, right?
    Some day… some day, huh?
    Merry Christmas!

  5. i was drunk and pooped in the shower once…it was NOT cute.

  6. *hopes the last comment was not thought out loud*

  7. OMG~ Kellie, My son Alex was born the same day as Emma Kelly and he had never done that until like 2 weeks ago. But, I had just put him in the bath and all of the sudden I see something…It was lovely:) I had to take him out, clean his bath tub, then put him back in…LOL I guess it has to happen sooner or later!


    love you!!


    My little one has yet to poopie in the tub… she would pee in the tub no problem until just recently when we broke her of that habit. They are just so cute, aren’t they? You could just eat them up!

    Glad to hear everything worked out with Steve. I was sure that yesterday would be the end. I am really sorry you had to sit there in front of him and watch all of that though. Heads would have rolled had I been in your position. ROLLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Makes me mad just thinking about it!

  10. Well Kelly you’re a much better woman for having to air out all that personal stuff and let it get to that point. Well just glad to hear Steve did worked it out with you and I hope that if you do end up dating some more that you will truely try to keep it off the air.

    My daughter pooped in her tub but her’s wasn’t cute. She had the runs and well lets just say I was done with her bath when I saw the floating mess and I had to clean out the tub and give her another bath. Good thing was that she had her own little tub inside the tub so it wasn’t as big as a mess as it would’ve been if she was in the regular tub.

    I wish you would post more Emma Kelly pictures. 😦

    Oh also will you be taking her to take pictures with Santa this year?

  11. i want a woman to “pamper” me, but that does NOT mean wearing diapers.

  12. Kellie — one date does not a boyfriend make, and having a boyfriend doesn’t mean you jump forward to husband. I am a relatively new listener of just about 2 yrs, but didn’t you sort of have a longtime boyfriend who was ANYthing but marriage material? It’s not a natural progrssion from date to boyfriend to husband. Sometimes, a date’s just a date — and I believe that’s what Steve intended. You had him at the altar, holding your same values in 2 1/2 days! Try having fun and not looking at each date as a husband, you’ll be a lot less disappointed! Trying to save you from misery. Keep remembering that marrying a boyfriend didn’t make him into the husband you wanted. You will not convert someone who doesn’t want to be in that position. Period. Saying this with the best of intentions!! love ya, nance

  13. Easy REcipe for you — you’ll feel like you did something, they taste amazing, and everyone loves them.
    Get the little waffle pretzels, several packs of Rolos, and some half pecans. THREE items, easy!
    PUt all the waffle pretzel (“butter snaps”) on a cookie sheet, and top with the ROlos (don’t get the kind in a gag, you’ll be unwrapping forever)
    Place cookie sheet in preheated 250 degree oven for just a couple of minutes until the ROlos look shiny and squish down when you press on them with a long knife. Take them out and press a pecan half down on each Rolo, squishing it gently onto the waffle pretzel thingie. Let them cool in the fridge for a few hours, put in pretty tins, and Presto — Mock Turtles to give as homemade gifts. Semi-homemade. People go nuts for them.

    You’re welcome ;(

  14. that would be “not in a bag”, not “not in a gag”…

  15. my neighbor has a chihuahua…he is TWICE my size…*i prefer a dog from the molosser group…they downplay my large girth*…anyway…his dang girly dog craps in my yard…when i approached the subject, he laffed like a chic and said that a few “snickerdoodles” in the yard wouldn’t hurt me…i threatened to make some snickerdoodles of my own in his pool…i no longer have a problem.

  16. Keep remembering that Kellie knows what she’s doing, already having one divorce under her belt…

    It’s a natural progression… she’s learned from her mistakes!!!

    Just saying this with the best of intentions!

  17. Thank you so much for that recipe Nancy, I will be using it this weekend at my Christmas party. We don’t have to bring anything, but that sounds like it will be a hit!

  18. Hey Nancy,
    GOOOOD advice……not only your friendly advice on dating (and I know you were not being mean) but the recipe….. wow…sounds good…and EASY…. got any others?
    Craig… what can I say….. you are too funny….u have quite a few poop stories yourself…

  19. no Nancy…i have just had a crappy life…but worry not…i do NOT have bowel optics…you know…where ones optical nerves are linked to ones sphincter and thus, they have a real crappy outlook on life.

  20. ooops…i meant Cindy.

  21. i may not be an iron chef…but here is my Christmas Holiday meal recipe for all…Bon Appetit!!!

    Wood Grilled Buffalo Tenderloin with Wild Mushrooms and Port Wine Sauce

    2 cups diced yellow onions
    1 cup diced carrots
    1 cup diced celery
    2 tablespoons canola oil
    6 cups ruby port wine
    2 cups red wine
    1 1/2 quarts veal stock or brown chicken stock
    4 sprigs thyme
    3 sprigs Italian parsley
    Salt and pepper
    24 small shallots
    2 tablespoons olive oil
    1 tablespoon thyme leaves
    1 tablespoon chopped parsley leaves
    2 3/4 pounds Yukon gold potatoes, sliced 2-inch thick
    3/4 pound unsalted butter, chopped
    1 cup half-and-half
    1-ounce canola oil
    1/2 pound mixed wild mushrooms, of your choice, sliced 1/2-inch thick
    1 teaspoon minced garlic
    1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese
    4 (5-ounce) buffalo fillets

    Place the onion, carrot, and celery with the canola oil in a medium saucepan and saute over high heat for 10 minutes or until golden brown and caramelized. Deglaze the pan with the port wine and red wine and cook until most of the wine has been absorbed. Add veal stock and simmer for 1 hour. Strain, return to the saucepan and add thyme and parsley, simmer for 5 minutes. Strain the thyme and parsley, return back to the pot and let simmer for about 30 minutes or until reduced to 1 1/2 cups. Season with salt and pepper to taste, strain through a fine-mesh sieve. Keep warm.

    Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

    Place shallots in an oven proof pan with the olive oil and cover with aluminum foil. Roast for 1 hour or until tender. Toss with thyme and parsley and season with salt and pepper. Keep warm.

    Place the potatoes in a large saucepan and add enough cold water to cover. Salt the water and bring to a rolling boil over high heat. Reduce the heat and simmer for about 15 minutes, or until the potatoes are tender when pierced with a knife. Drain and place on a cookie sheet. Place in the oven for 3 to 5 minutes, until excess moisture is evaporated. Rice the potatoes in a food mill or a ricer into a bowl. Add butter and mash with a potato masher.

    In a small saucepan, bring 1/2 cup half-and-half to a boil. Add to the potatoes, stirring gently until the desired consistency. Do not over mix the potatoes. Season with salt and pepper. Cover and set aside.

    Preheat a large saute pan on medium height heat. Add oil and saute mushroom for 2 to 3 minutes. Stirring often. Once mushrooms become tender add garlic. Saute for 1 minute. Set aside for platting. Mushrooms maybe sauteed a day in advance.

    Place an additional 1/2 cup of half-and-half in a small saucepan and bring to a boil. Add blue cheese and blend with a hand held blender prior to serving.

    To assemble preheat the grill. Season buffalo with salt and pepper and place on the grill. Grill the steaks for 2 to 3 minutes on both sides for medium rare. Remove steaks from grill and let rest. On a dinner plate place a small circle of mushrooms in the center of the plate. Place a quenelle of mashed potatoes in the center of the mushrooms, on top of the potatoes place the buffalo. Using a spoon, pour 1-ounce of port wine sauce around the mushrooms and a little on the buffalo. Blend the blue cheese cream until nice and frothy, and then spoon over buffalo.

  22. My child poops in the bath tub so much, I bought a fish net to scoop it out!

  23. Jenn…i was at my hot gal pals place whilst she was baby sitting her 18 month old nephew…he dropped a brownie in the tub SO big, i thought SHE had done it…*she slugged me hard for that one*…but anyway, i tried using a fishing net to capture the “babyruth bar”, but i couldnt “net” it as it kept falling through the net holes…*true story*

  24. Hey Craig,
    Do you think you could give some classes on this
    Wood Grilled Buffalo Tenderloin with Wild Mushrooms and Port Wine Sauce….geeeesh! The time it takes to say it, I could have already had those waffle pretzel rollos made……

  25. AH HA HA…




  26. i gained all my cooking skillz during a brief three day stint as a fry cook @ waffle house…remind me to tell you about my affair with Arlene, the head waitress.

  27. What I meant to say I was excited about was the pretzels…

    I meant to put Cindy’s name up there. Sorry Craig, I don’t eat buffalo, mushrooms, or bleu cheese.

  28. Jocelyn…for religious reasons?!?…i am not allowed to eat gummi products.

  29. Cindy…i dont give cooking lessons…but i do teach argentinian tango every wednesday at the local aurthur murray school of dance!!!

  30. Craig……………….. So which is better, your Tango or the Wood Grilled Buffalo Tenderloin with Wild Mushrooms and Port Wine Sauce?
    I guess anyone who is teaching Argentinian Tango every Wednesday wouldn’t have a lot of time to spare.
    So what happened to Arlene? Do you keep in “touch”?
    3 day stint at the waffle house…. was that by choice or were you escorted out on the third day?

    I can’t wait to try the waffle pretzel rollos this weekend…I just hope to have enough left for gift giving…

  31. i am going to omit my “cooking with Poo” joke and substitute it with another.
    Q: whats does John the Baptist and Winnie the Poo have in common?!?
    A: same middle name

  32. Cindy…which is better you ask???…neither…they compliment each other if both are done to perfection!!!…Arlene dumped me for an averitt express driver…*sigh*.

  33. Am I just totally bored or what, cause I am laughing at that joke……
    I’m beginning to think this is your blog….

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