Kellie’s Blog

I slept the entire day away. I hate when I do that, but my body was just shutting down on me. Turns out I was diagnosed with a sinus infection on Friday and while the doctor prescribed me this cough syrup with codeine in it, I couldn’t take it until today because I had Emma Kelly by myself all day Saturday. But when her daddy picked her up this morning, I took my medicine, ate a big old bowl of Raisin Nut Bran and went back to bed. Didn’t wake up til 4pm!!!

Before I was diagnosed with the sinus infection, I just figured I had a cold and was dealing with it. So Thursday night, I had a first date with this guy I’ve been wanting to go out with for a while and he FINALLY asked me. I had a Kidd’s Kids event I had to go to, so I asked if he would mind stopping by for that first. Of course he didn’t because he’s GREAT. And I proceeded to look like an idiot the rest of the night.

As soon as I walked in the door, something flew in my eye. I sat there poking at my eyeball and crying for a good ten minutes before I finally excused myself to go to the restoom and get that danged thing out.

So I come back out and he offers to get me a glass of wine. Great. While he’s gone, I take a lovely caesar chicken salad on a cheddar cracker concoction from a passing waiter and proceed to swallow and breathe at the same time. On top of being sick with a nagging cough anyway, I proceeded to have the coughing fit of my LIFE!! I stumbled back to the bathroom coughing so violently that people kept asking me if I was all right. I swear, I was coughing so hard that I was about to vomit. And all I can think about is my date out there wandering around with two glasses of wine wondering where the heck I disappeared to. It took me FOREVER to calm down, but by then I was still talking all weird — you know that ridiculous scratchy sounding voice you have after a coughing fit. And I had cried off every bit of my mascara and concealer, so I was both looking AND sounding real good. Ugh!

Believe it or not, after the event, he still wanted to take me to dinner. So I’m sitting there getting sicker and sicker and suddenly my nose holes are completely shut. For the rest of the night, I’m a mouth breather, which is especially sexy on a first date, don’t you think? When I wasn’t mouth-breathing I was coughing, but at least I gave him the impression I don’t eat because I absolutely COULDN’T. I felt so bad! I left everything almost untouched. SO unlike me.

I don’t know if he’ll ask me out again. He said something about leaving the next day for the Grand Canyon, but isn’t that code for “Get me the hell out of here! I never want to see you again!”?

XO
Kellie

Not really t4echnically sober. Neighbors took pity upon me and dinvited me over for supper and I shared a bottle — or two — of wine with them and now I’ve had my Dimetapp and it’s aaaaaalllll gooood….

But I promised I would write about what I was mad about, so that’s what I’m going to do. But I’m going to backspace and catch as many typos as I can, exhausting as this has already become!!!!!

Okay. So here’s what I’m mad about — and by the way, that guy that was supposed to call me Sunday to finalize plans for our date Thursday night still hasn’t called at it is now 9:18pm on Tuesday. What do you think? Do you think he just assumes it’s a done deal about Thursday and there’s no rush to call? Is he completely blowing me off? What’s up with that? I swear to you, he’s the nicest guy EVER. He’s got to be super busy, right?

Anyway.

Here’s what ticked me off the other day, but it took me a couple days after to get brought up to a full boil. So! I’m at that radio DJ boot camp (MAN!! Backspacing is KILLING ME!!!) So I’m at radio DJ boot camp and this guy I JUST MET a day before comes up and asks me my story about how I handled the breaking up of my marriage on the radio and being a single mom and blah blah blah. I told him the basics and how I thought NOBODY would want to date someone my age with a brand new baby and I just knew I was going to face life all alone, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised and have actually dated more post-divorce than I ever did before I got married. He asked me, “Well, haven’t you heard Dr. So-And-So’s opinion that single moms should never date until their children are 18? How is this going to affect your daughter?”

So suddenly, I’m on the defensive because he’s calling me a bad mother to my face. And I’m caught so off guard that I sort of stumble through some sort of explanation that probably sounded like a borderline apology and then he said, “Well, I admire you for being a strong woman” and the dude just walked away.

I stewed on that for a couple of days before I had this revelation:  If a mother — married or not — spends 100% of her time devoted to raising her children, that’s a destructive thing. Can you imagine a husband putting up with ALWAYS coming in second because the kids are the only thing his wife can focus her time and energy on? I know there are extremes on both sides and there are single moms out there who are out partying every single night of the week and their kids are lucky if they get to spend 15 minutes with her at breakfast. But can’t there be a happy balance where the kids are getting the best of their mom while she’s still being fulfilled as a woman — and not just a mom — a night or two out of the week?

I know I can’t be out every night, but come on! You SERIOUSLY expect single moms to put their entire lives on hold until their kids are 18 and off to college? Seriously??

And I have now successfully typed my blog on chardonnay and Dimetapp and I am now going to bed to have pleasant dreams.

XO
Kellie

I am trying to combat a cold at the onset and I think I just overdid it a little. I’ve been sucking on those nasty a#@ Zicam — or however you spell it — dissolving tablets every three hours like I’m supposed to. I took Tylenol cold day formula and about an hour ago, I took the night one. I took some cough syrup which didn’t seem to work, so I went ahead and took a double-dose of Dimetapp. I think that just did me in. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to delete what I just typed and try again and I’m not even a full paragraph in, so this will be short and sweet.

I’m thinking, though, it might be fun to just liet the typos goe now and see what ahppens. I’m kind of mad about a couple things. First, thes guy that was supposed to call me thyesterday to fnalize some plans for a date thrusday still hasn’t called and it’s almsot 10:30 on Monday night and I’m high on demetapp. So I’m thinking he’s either really busy or he’s blowing me off, which wuoljd not be very cool. But nobody would nokw about if if I didn’t sit here telling you, so it’s my own danged fault for telling it. But it’s the dimesapp taling.

I’m also mad about something else i’ve been stewing about for a couple of days, and it has to do with dating and being a single mom. But I want to have clairty of thought when I write about that, so I’m going to twai t until II’m sober to do that one, so tuen in tomorrow, folks. I swear, this is just cold medicine and not alolcohl.

XO
Kellie

My mother has always always always said she wanted to go to Denver. Now I’ve been on her behalf and I’m going to tell her to go someplace else. It’s a nice city and all, but there’s not really anything to look at. The mountains are waaaaay over there while you’re standing waaaay over here. And I’m sure she’d much rather be waaaay over there, too.  Sorry to kill her life-long dream like that.  But now we’re even because when I was a little girl, I asked her if she thought I could be a singer when I grew up and she said no.

So we went to Denver for DJ school.  Oy.  DJs are a different breed. And I know I’m sort of one of them, but it doesn’t feel like it’s real sometimes. I didn’t do too good of a job hiding the fact that I wasn’t thrilled about going because I knew it would basically be the same thing it was the last time I went 6 or 7 years ago — a bunch of guys trying to out-funny each other and vulgar women. I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of vulgar women this time. But there was no shortage of out-funnying. Some of the bits offered for us to steal for our own show? Send our people out to public places wearing adult diapers and have them pee on themselves while we listen on the phone. Oh, and I loved the one where the father literally nailed his junk to the wall to win his daughter Jonas Brothers tickets. I think we can work both of those in sometime next week. 

But I had a couple of REALLY great moments, too. One was where I watched Big Al work his magic on another DJ school student. I swear to you this is the absolute truth — may I be struck by lightning if I’m lying. About 2 minutes in to their conversation, he started messing with this chick’s hair and asked her, “How much of this is real?” She claimed it was all real. Then he asked, “You ARE a woman, right?” Believe it or not, she didn’t leave. In fact, she sat down for a beer. Then Big Al asked her, “Are you half black or do you just tan a lot?” Yes, you know the rest of the story… He freaking scored with this chick!!! What is up with that??

That same evening also brought us some little drunk DJ who decided to sit down at our happy little table.  He asked me where I was from. Then he proceeded to tell me that he hated working in the South because he thinks Southern people sound retarded. This is the same DJ who offered the following bit for us to steal:  Have three people read the same sentence and then have the callers decide which one is deaf, which one is retarded and which one is drunk. Classy guy. 

Seriously, though, I’m glad I went. There were a couple of DJs there named Ace and TJ who reminded us all how lucky we are to do the jobs we do and got choked up when they talked about how we can impact people’s lives on a daily basis. Of course, the DJs from the rock station were laughing when they got all teary-eyed because rock station DJs are jerks like that sometimes, but what they said really punched me in the gut. Yeah, I’ve got a bunch of crap going on in my life right now, but I can check all that at the door for four hours every morning because I’ve got a really cool job and I just might be able to say something that makes somebody’s day a little bit better so they can forget their own crap for a while.  So, yea boot camp! And I can’t wait to go back 6 or 7 years from now!

XO
Kellie

I’m so incredibly sorry I’ve been slacking off in writing. I realize some people do check this every day and that only adds to my guilt for not leaving SOMETHING new here on a daily basis. I don’t know if it’s the heat, my hormones, my poor diet, my love life, the daily hell of remodeling or a combination of all of it, but I’m just feeling really, really down. 

You know that feeling of just wanting to go home? “There’s no place like home.” ”Home is where the heart is.” You know that feeling you get after having the worst day ever of just walking in your front door and feeling like the weight of the world has just been lifted from your shoulders? Well, I don’t have that right now. I come home and I want to cry. I have no place to go where I feel like I can just BE. And I know this is temporary and I know I’m going to absolutely love it when it’s all done, but I just want to hibernate until this is all over.

Today, they were messing around with the electricity and the refrigerator went out. Of course, I didn’t notice until the entire freezer was in a puddle. I got them to fix that, but tonight I noticed the dryer’s not working. And the air conditioner is out in two rooms of my house. And the lights aren’t working in the hallway or in the laundry room. And the doorbell doesn’t work. And according to the calendar I was given, we’re at least a full week behind schedule and we’re only just beginning the fourth week. What have I done? Wasn’t my house fine before? And I have no one to blame but myself. I was stupid enough to want a prettier house. I should’ve just moved. It’s all my fault. I’ve had a headache for three days straight. Never, ever again will I pull a stunt like this. And I’m sorry to write about it, but that’s what my whole life is about right now. And I also realize I’m absolutely no fun to be around, so nobody needs to point that out, either.

I just want to curl up in the dark with a bag of potato chips and a two liter bottle of diet Pepsi and watch a Project Runway marathon. But that’s not going to happen anytime soon so I’m just going to go take some more Ibuprofen and try to have a sweet dream. I’m really, really sorry I can’t be uplifting right now. But I felt more guilty about not writing anything at all, so that’s what I’ve got. Maybe tomorrow I’ll just post pictures. Or a video. Yeah….I need to get Andrew to edit a video of Emma Kelly at the beach and I’ll get him to post that.

XO
Kellie

I’m going to take my friend’s word for it that all of this weirdness is going to pass soon and I can get about the business of being blissful again.

What a day. They’re still hammering and banging at my house. Does the demolition part ever end?? We’re two and a half weeks in and it’s like, Come on already! How much more can you tear out? Let’s start putting some stuff back in here, people! I’m so overwhelmed by having to pick out appliances and paint colors and couches that I’m flying my mama in to come save me. I hope Emma Kelly will always look to me like that. I just think my mama’s the best. She’s got the best taste in decorating — she really should do that for other people and get paid for it. But she’s like me. No self-confidence. But we have so much fun together and I can’t wait for her to get here.

Other than the non-stop stress from the home remodeling and the big checks I’m writing to go along with it, the day was sort of up and down for me. For the life of me, I couldn’t find a single soul who was available to go have lunch with me today. I felt like such a loser! Sure, I could’ve sent out a text message blast a la Big Al, but that would seem so….loserish.  So I ended still ended up like a loser eating a Whopper all by myself in my car. And let me tell you what — that was the best danged Whopper I’ve ever had. I don’t think I’ve had one in about five years, and I’m not even exaggerating. So I’m sort of glad it worked out that way.

And since we’re eating every meal away from home these days, to balance the Whopper for lunch, I thought we’d do that Souper Salad bar for supper. Right. No over-indulging there! But the very best part of my night — besides inhaling half the salad bar all by myself — was having my daughter gag when she tried strawberry shortcake for the first time in her life and then projectile vomit all over the table. Poor thing! But what a perfect ending to my already perfect day.

Going to dinner with friends tomorrow night who are guaranteed to make me laugh until I forget about all the drama.

Oh! And I’m going to try to insert just one or two pictures of what my house looks like.

XO
Kellie

http://oaklawn.tv/show_DV_072108.asp

They edited out my best stuff! Like how my first boyfriend Bennie — who insisted on being called “Bene” (should’ve been my first clue…) — left me for Patrick…Oh well! I wish they would’ve shown Shanon dancing for birthday tips and J-Si taking his shirt off to claim his raffle prize!! I’m sure there’s footage of that SOMEWHERE.

XO
Kellie

I’m sorry. I forgot to ask Ben to show me how to do pictures on here. I’ll try to remember to do that tomorrow. I used to be able to, but something’s different now. Maybe it’s me.

My mind is in a million different places. I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now which is a very, very bad thing. When I become overwhelmed by emotions or work problems or finances or relationships or just anything — when I feel like things are spiraling out of control — that’s when I am tempted to revert to my old, dirty secret life of bingeing and purging. When I was a teenager and in my 20s, it was the only thing that made me feel centered and relieved. It makes absolutely no sense, I know, and if you’ve never suffered from it, you cannot begin to understand why eating out-of-control gives you a sense of control. But it’s like you’re out of your mind and out of your own body as you fill yourself up to the point of sickness and then there’s this big release and you come back into yourself and experience such a sense of relieft. It’s an awful, awful thing and like I said, I’m TEMPTED. But I have a daughter now and I have to be here for her and I can’t be playing around with that stuff anymore. 

Didn’t mean to go there, but I don’t really have anything that light-hearted to share tonight. I will end, though, by telling you how adorable Emma Kelly is. She calls juice “goosey” and she has her third swim lesson tomorrow and she tries to break my nose on a daily basis by slamming her head into my face and she loves  her binky and her bunny. I also think she’s ready to begin potty training because she’s starting to tell me — after the deed has been done in her diaper — that she needs to go. There is no part of me that’s ready for her to  become a “big girl” but I know it’s got to happen. I’d be happy to continue changing her diapers for as long as necessary, but she IS getting a little too big for the diaper changing stations in public restrooms….Half her body is dangling over the edge. Granted, she’s really tall for her age, but still….

XO
Kellie

Even Andrew the computer geek/unibomber couldn’t figure out how to load pictures on this thing. So! We have to wait until head computer geek Ben gets back from vacation to do that. In the meatime, you can go to my page on kiddlive.com and check out some pictures there.

I am going thru major home renovations right now and it looks like the process is right on schedule! But, then again, we’re only two weeks in to an 11-week project. I have no ceiling in my living room and kitchen. No flooring — just the concrete slab. No kitchen. My bedroom has become the heart of the house. Emma Kelly, Laura and I were all piled on my bed watching TV tonight. One big happy family! I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end, but I’ll tell you what — it’s a good thing I’m not married right now because I think this would lead to a divorce!

Hosting Gay Bingo Saturday night for their big anniversary celebration. Should be fun. Should be interesting. Could be awkward! I’m bringing Not Derek and Uncle Daddy will be there, too. Now UD and I didn’t end on bad terms, so there’s no animosity or anything like that, so I don’t expect fists or F-bombs to be flying at any point. Besides, if things get ugly, I’ve got a room full of transvestites backing me up and you DON’T want to see a transvetite get angry. I just don’t want things to be weird…but how can they not be, just a little.

Anyway, if nothing else, I’ll have a story to tell come Monday morning! And hopefully pictures to post on here, too!

XO
Kellie